Episode 149 - A Year of Transformation: Insights From 2023
Join me for a deeply personal episode where I share my journey of setting intentions rather than goals for the upcoming year. Explore my areas of growth and reflection, inviting you to join in contemplation about what you wish to focus on and cultivate in the coming year. Tune in now to initiate a reflective journey and align your intentions for meaningful growth in the year ahead.
Topics
Celebrating 3 years of podcasting and discussing my personal growth in 2023.
The emotions experienced after leaving a 7-year romantic relationship.
Experiences and activities in the last year in different categories: Career, home, hobbies, self-care, traveling, and relationships.
Links
👉 Ready to start 2024 boldly? Book a Discovery Call!👈
Transcript
[AUTO-GENERATED]
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:00:06]:
Welcome to the Self Growth Nerds podcast. I'm your host, Marie, a courage coach, creative soul, and adventure seeker. Since thru hiking the Pacific Crest Trail in 2019. I'm on a mission to help you embrace your most confident self so you can achieve your dreams too. If you're eager for deep conversations, big questions, and meaningful connections, join me on the quest to discovering how we can create a more magical and memorable life. Hello, nerds. How are you? I'm good. Today is more a of a personal episode where I'm going to review, my year 2023.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:00:51]:
So I hope you will enjoy, and it will give you a space to also think about how you've grown in the last year with me. Before I jump in, I wanna remind you that this week is the last week of 2023 that you can book a free call with me to see if we're a good match to work together in 2024. So if you've decided that you're tired of your excuses and you want next year to be the year where you finally figure out what you really want and go after it full speed, with clarity, and with confidence. This might be for you. So go to self growth nerds .com/audacity. Book a call. I'm gonna ask you a bunch of questions about where you are. I'm gonna tell you how I can help, and you'll get to decide what you wanna do moving forward.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:01:47]:
Okay? So without further ado, Let's jump in. I'm gonna talk about my year professionally and then personally, and we're gonna end with some little top threes of best moments, best novels, best podcasts, those kind of things. Okay. So at the start of 2023, I had 3 main focuses in my business. I was in the second half of the Sapling side business program that I was doing with my friend Allison from She Dreams of Alpine. We worked with a small group of people for 4 months to help them set up their side business, And I learned that I really appreciate working with someone else, having a partner so that I don't have to, do it all and I have Someone to bounce ideas with. That's definitely something I wanna do again in the future. I was also working with some 1 on 1 clients at the start of the year.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:02:50]:
And finally, my big, big goal was to scale my coaching program Brave and Bold. I remember wanting to enroll about 60 clients in the program over 1 year. And to get ready for this big expansion, I hired an assistant, Franz, who was a client of Brave and Bold and who, edits this podcast right now, Hello, Franz. I'm probably gonna meet her in person in early 2024 because she lives in Mexico City, and I'm going to go there and work remotely for a little bit because that's where my sister will be with her partner who is Mexican. So back in February or March, I think it was Early March, I hired friends so that I could focus on my zone of genius. Then What happened a few weeks after that, I was in a launch period. I started feeling so heavy, like I needed to pull myself forward. Every morning, I would wake up, and I didn't wanna, I I I woke up feeling like there was this huge mountain in front of me that I did not want to climb.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:04:01]:
I just wanted to stay in the fetal position in my bed, if I'm really honest with you. I felt like I had to put a mask on and perform a role, perform me. Like, Who is Marie? I know who she is when she's doing good. I had to perform that role for a while, and that didn't feel good at all. So I finished working with my saplings, working with my 1 on 1 clients, and, I decided to pause brave and bold. I remember my therapist telling me, why don't you take a week off? And I said, I feel like I need at least a month off. So I put everything on hold, and in that period, that's when I decided to leave My partner of 7 years, but we'll get back to that in the in the more personal part of this episode. So, the the one man pause ended up being much longer and lasting all through the summer.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:05:04]:
It was not a complete pause because I still had a few 1 on 1 clients. I still did a a course called the courage to start new, which was really fun. It was 2 months, and it was 1 class every week. So I had a very relaxed summer, and I'll tell you the the 2 main things I learned from this plot twist. From me thinking that I was gonna spend the whole year scaling my program to ending up spending a lot of time not doing much. Number 1, you cannot force growth. The growth of your business is going to follow the growth of you. You have to expand your nervous system capacity in order to be able to handle more in your business.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:05:53]:
And I'm pretty sure that's also true if you have a salaried position. My subconscious was not gonna let me welcome in Sixty people if I cannot handle 60 people without going mad. And I'm pretty sure we can override these instincts, many people do, and end up burning out because they have white knuckled their way through the resistance. That's how I see it. You know, I might be wrong. This is not the truth. This is how I interpret What happened for me and what I think happens for lots of other people. So I didn't override the resistance.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:06:35]:
I listened to what it had to say, and it was telling me, don't go in that direction. I used to be very much turned on by stories of like, oh, I doubled my income in 1 year. But now I believe growth has to be a lot more organic if it's going to be sustainable for your system. It's not that you can't do it. I've done it in the past, and I've had an exciting time doing so, but it's about deciding if it's a challenge that you're up for in this season of your life. Maybe it is, or maybe you prefer to grow slowly but surely at a pace that feels good to you. That's okay too. You can take 1 big leap if it feels exciting, or you can take lots of little leaps if it feels more manageable.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:07:29]:
The other thing I learned in that period is that I was worthy even when not productive. I have learned growing up, as many of you have, to place Very high value on success. And the definition of success in our capitalistic society Is how busy are you? How much money are you making? How much how fast is your progress? And so this summer when I was doing the bare minimum, I had to face a lot of internalized shame because part of me, there was this inner critic that told me I was such a loser, and I had to love myself in that space. To see that I was exactly the same with people who loved me no matter how many clients I had no matter how many hours I worked in a week, that people didn't just leave me because I was not the busy hashtag girl boss that I had envisioned. Instead, what happened is I simplified my schedule to the max. And from there, started thinking about what is most important to me and what I want to prioritize. What, feels peaceful to me? That's my new definition of success is a calm nervous system, a peaceful life. It's funny in 2023, the biggest change is how all of my overachieving tendencies left the building.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:09:15]:
I threw hiked the Pacific Crest Trail. I made 6 figures in my business 2 years in a row, I I've I've proven what I needed to prove, and now what motivates me has completely changed. I love the peacefulness on this side of the fence. I do, however, miss the excitement of super creative ideas. So I'm gonna play around and try to find the balance between, peaceful life and the excitement of creative ideas. Like, I miss going to bed with lots of, oh, I could do this. I could do that. Oh, the the this feeling of, like, feeling alive and like my fire is burning.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:10:00]:
I feel like I went from one extreme to the other where there was too much fire in me, too too little fire in me. So I'm gonna try in 2024 to play around with that and see what feels good. One thing's for sure though is I am in a season where I don't necessarily wanna go far. I wanna go deep. This fall from September all the way to to now, I've been working with a small number of 1 on 1 clients focusing on them, on their progress, and going really deep with them, and I've really loved that warmth, that simplicity. And that's what I wanna keep doing in 2024 for the 1st few months anyway, and then we'll see. I wanna remain open to what's going to rise to the surface, what I'm gonna feel called towards. But right now, it's a small number of 1 on 1 clients Going deep with them, helping them find their truth, figuring out what is no longer in alignment, letting that go, and stepping closer and closer to their soul's calling.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:11:15]:
By the way, if you wanna do this work, There's some slots open for January, so self growth nerds.com/audacity. Last thing I'm gonna celebrate in terms of my professional life is in January, it's gonna be 3 years of podcasting. 3 years of podcast, and I still love it as much as I did in the beginning. So this relationship is going well, and I'm so happy that you're here and that there's more and more of you joining the party. Okay. So now let's talk about my personal life in 2023, What happened and what I learned and the ways in which I have grown. So it all started with lots of ups and downs. When 2023 came around, I had already been going through lots of ups and downs that I thought were caused by hormones.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:12:11]:
Looking back, I cannot know for sure, but I think they were caused by not listening to my truth by not being in integrity and repressing a lot of what I was feeling and not wanting to feel, repressing my inner knowing, trying to numb my inner knowing because what it was telling me was inconvenient. The the motto for 2023 is truth is inconvenient. But if you don't let it come to the surface, it's going to mess up with your health, and it was messing with my mental health and my physical health. My energy was it was low. So this all brought me to pausing brave and bold, like I said, and at towards the end of March, leaving my relationship. This was really, really hard, and it was a decision that was a long time in the making. We had been together for 7 years, And it was like I shared in the the breakup episodes, it was going well, and I was with a good person. I didn't have any socially approved reasons to leave, which made it this much harder.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:13:21]:
It was helpful in that time to work with My coach, Chris Hale, who helped me to feel okay about needing what I needed and wanting what I wanted. Even though if you had asked a majority of people, they would have cons they would not have considered my reasons to be, quote, unquote, good reasons. I had to be able to say I know I could be happy here. I know I could make it work, and I no longer want to, and that's okay. This is complete. This this journey with this person is complete to me. The success of a relationship is not necessarily defined by its lent even though that's what we've been taught, that when you get with someone, you have to be with them forever, ideally, unless there's something really bad happening. That that's just 1 narrative, but it's not the truth, and it was certainly not my truth.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:14:18]:
It was a mold I was trying to fit into, but I was ready for something new. So I decided to leave, and it was hard. Let me tell you. It still is. The 1st month was awful. It felt like with withdrawal from a drug. When you you've been used for years years to sleep next To someone and do life with someone and suddenly you're alone. I definitely surrounded myself with lots of close friends and felt very grateful for their presence.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:14:48]:
But, yeah, it was very challenging, very lonely, and there was lots of moments of panic of what the hell did I do. And then after a while, there was the euphoria of being free and being able to do what I want and try new things. And now I'm back to normal, and there are days that are harder than others. I sometimes have days where I struggle to forgive myself for the hurt that I caused. There are days where I obsess over what I could have done differently in my relationship to make it work, to make it different. There are days where I wonder what it would be like if I had stayed. I still 100% stand by my decision. Don't get me wrong, but I'm not gonna lie to you and tell you that it's easy every day.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:15:43]:
There are definitely days where I'm filled with with self doubt, But I take these moments as, opportunities to to feel my feelings, to just be sad and and to grieve. Grief is is you know, comes in waves. And I also take these opportunities to trust My past self, that she took a lot of time to make this decision. It was far from an impulsive decision and that she had her reasons, and she did what she thought was best. And I I also take these moments as opportunities to trust the universe, that I was led in a certain direction, and eventually, I'm gonna understand why. The everything it's the it's the cheesy everything happens for a reason. And you know what? Sometimes when we have regrets, and I I don't have regrets. I wouldn't say I have regrets.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:16:37]:
But many of you I know are thinking about leaving a job or relationship and are scared of having regrets. But what regrets are is a lack of trust in your past self, and also it's like, A delusion in a way because you don't know what you'd be living if you had stayed, And there's no right or wrong decisions because every decisions comes with a different path, and on both paths, on each path, there's good and bad. If I had stayed, there would've continued to be challenges, and there would've continued to be good times. Because I decided to leave, there are different types of good times, and there are different kinds of challenges. This makes me think about, what the coach Cara Lowenthal says. She says there's no ramp of the human experience. Leaving your job or leaving your relationship is not magically gonna make you happy forever. So make sure if you're going to to leave A job or a relationship that you're not doing so because you expect them to to make you happy and they don't.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:17:48]:
That that is your job. And if you're going to leave, I suggest doing so because you just want to experience something else. Speaking of which, the theme of my summer was exploring my sexuality, exploring kink, exploring nonmonogamy. And this all started with the book Existential Kink by Carolyn Elliott. I heard she got canceled recently, but I'm not sure why. And I'm of the belief that we can separate the artist from The Work. And The Work that book was transformative. It was very badly written, but it was very transformative in opening myself up to new things sexually as a way to grow, as a way to, do shadow work.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:18:43]:
Other books that I read, were more than 2, a practical guide to ethical polyamory by Franklin Voe and Yves Rickard, Unbound, a woman's guide to power by Kazia Urbaniac. I I think I read this one in 2022, but I keep going back to it, so it feels timeless. I also read Boy manifesto by Zachary Zane and Pleasure Activism by Adrienne Maree Brown. Loved this one. And finally, sex outside the lines by Chris Donahue, which is also badly written, and he had he has a very black and white way of seeing things and a a strange hate for therapists even though he is a trained therapist, but take this book with a grain of salt. But there was still a lot of good stuff to, unshame sexualities and ways to be in relationships. Speaking of which, I had A thruple experience at some point this year, and I'm not gonna go into details, but I'm gonna say that it's blown Open my mind open as to what is possible, and now I keep actually, I was already curious about this. In the past, I watched the movie doctor Marston and the Wonder Woman, which is based on the true story of the the guy who drew the Wonder Woman comics and invented the lie detector.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:20:10]:
He was in a throuple with 2 women. That's what the movie is about. It's really good movie. I loved it. And then my favorite coach, Marta Beck, that I always tell you about, who wrote The Way of Integrity, she's also in a with 2 women, And I just finished a book called the the law how to be the love you seek by the holistic psychologist, and She also is in a throuple with 2 other women, so I don't know what's going on. I keep I keep coming face to face with these stories, so we'll see what where that leads us. In 2023 and Something that happened is I was supposed to have children. That was the the plan.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:20:55]:
With my ex, We were gonna start a family, but now I'm opening myself up to the idea that maybe I won't. Maybe I won't have kids. Who knows? I'm looking for role models of women who did not have kids and were happy about their decisions. So if you know anyone, just, send them my way. I've read the Brianna Madia memoir, nowhere for very long, and loved it. But if you know of older women that are, like, in their sixties seventies that didn't have children, please let me know. I need them. I need to read their stories and decide what I want moving forward.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:21:36]:
Okay. Other than that, I'm gonna rapid fire through different categories, home, hobbies, self care, traveling, friendships. Let's start with home. So, it was Was it my 1st time living alone? Yes. And I found a lot of joy joy in keeping the house tidy, in, like, spending, like, a whole Saturday cleaning up the house, going grocery shopping, doing mail meal prep, buying a Swiffer, Swiffering my floors. And I was like, wow. This this is unlike me. This is unusual, and this is hashtag adulting.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:22:13]:
I don't wanna go spend the weekend hiking somewhere. No. I wanna I wanna spend the weekend relaxing and making my house feel cozy. This is the this this is where it's at. In terms of hobbies, I signed up to a Toastmasters club every week. So this is, international. There's clubs everywhere, and it's to learn public speaking. So that's pretty cool.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:22:40]:
When the year started, I was supposed to be part of a book club environmental book club, and I noticed that I was making myself do it. I didn't really wanna do it, but I was telling myself I should because it would be good of me to do that. It would, I guess, look good. It would make me more noble of a citizen, but I don't do that anymore. I'm just gonna do what lights me up and let people think what they wanna think about me. I also do spinning, so that's a mix of hobbies and self care. I go to spin it twice a week, and it's my new normal. I've never had such fun working out.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:23:25]:
Actually, that's not true. When I started climbing, I loved it. It felt like a A game I felt like a monkey, and that's, what spinning feels like. It just feels like joy, and it's it's leading to very strong legs, very, muscly legs and butt, which I love, but it's a bonus because that's not the reason why I do it. I do it because The instructors are fun. They make me laugh. The music is good, and it's I love to dance. So That's very much in integrity.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:23:58]:
And when it's going to feel like a chore, I'm gonna stop doing it, and I'm gonna find something else that lights me up. Other than that, in terms of self care, I take baths all the time. I know that's cheesy, but I love water. Water grounds me. I still cannot take care of my skin. I start, like, a a new skincare routine and Feel really good about it to begin with. And as soon as the bottles start being empty, I just don't buy any, and then I fall off the routine. Speaking of skin care, I've been struggling with looking older.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:24:35]:
I can see my skin, changing, and I need to make peace with that, because it's been a a challenge. On a more positive note, I've experimented with not putting an alarm, and it's been great. It's funny how my body just, Most of the time, just naturally wakes up at 752. 752, 753, and it's been feeling really good to wake up with no alarm. It feels very luxurious, and I'm so thankful that I created a a life in which I can allow myself these kinds of things. A big part of actually allowing myself to do that is on shaming myself and on learning the the capitalistic conditioning. Because I used to tell myself, well, you need to wake up early because successful people wake up early, and you are worthier if you wake up early. You know, there's a bunch of, mottos like future belongs to those who wake up early.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:25:37]:
I don't I don't know How you say it in English, but it's something we say in French. So I had to quiet that inner judge and not make it mean anything about myself that I'm not a morning person naturally. I had to make peace with just aligning with my natural rhythms and not beat myself up over the fact that my natural rhythms is not what's written about in books like the 7 Habits of Successful People, and that's okay. So I turn it back to you. What do you shame yourself about, and how can you love of yourself exactly as you are without trying to hate yourself into change, without trying to make yourself fit, mold of perfection. Perfection as described in our patriarchal, capitalistic society. Okay. Moving on to traveling.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:26:35]:
I wanted to go on 6 trips this year, and I went on 5, which is super exciting. I went in Florida to see my parents twice, once in February and once in November. I went to the UK in July, to London and to Wales. I went to Burlington for my birthday in August, and I went to New York City in October with a friend of mine. Friends, friendships. I've definitely deepened my friendships this this year. Going through a a breakup has encouraged me to receive and accept kindness. I was moved multiple times by incredible acts of kindness by my friends and realized even more because I already knew the importance of of friendship.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:27:26]:
A friend of mine the other day said something so beautiful. I said to her, I don't know what, 2024 has in store for us. And what she replied is, I don't know either, but I find a lot of peace in knowing that you will be there with me through the good and through the hard, and I will be there with you too. And that just made me that makes me emotional again. Okay. We're coming to the end. I'm just gonna end with 3 top threes. Let me know, by the way.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:27:58]:
Reach out on Instagram at self growth nerds. Let me know how, this episode was for you, if you had any insights, if it was helpful to hear my thoughts on my year, to help you reflect on your year and the ways in which you have grown. Top 3 best moments of 2023. In no particular order, I would say my 4 days in Wales at at the Dew Lectures. It was an incredible event where a 100 people meet on a farm and sleep in tents. There's a bunch of talks by creatives, innovators, visionaries, and workshops. We all eat delicious food together and have bonfires in the evening. We sing together.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:28:47]:
It it was like, intensive summer camp experience with like minded, open hearted souls. Mind blowing, and I hope to go again in the future. Number 2 was definitely my thruple experience that was mind bending. And lastly, All the times I spent with my friend Audrey just hanging out, just the 2 of us hanging out in simplicity, like ordering a pizza or watching a movie. That felt so good. Best novels of 2023, I would go with Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin. I'm not a big fan of the second half of that book, but still it has to be in my top 3 because it was binge worthy and completely different from anything that I've read, because it's set in the video game world. It's video game creators, and that was just super interesting to discover.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:29:47]:
Then we have Insatiable by Dacey Buchanen. I'm not sure how you pronounce her last name, but it's spelled b u c h a n a n. I got that book at a gay bookstore in London, and the person who worked there who recommended it to me, said it had bad reviews, and it was written for the male gaze. There's a lot of sex in that book. You you can as you can guess from the title. But I don't know. Something about it drew me in, and it's exactly what I needed in the summer. So if you need some sexy read, That's what I recommend.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:30:30]:
And if you don't like it, I mean, go read the reviews first maybe. I read the reviews and I was like, I I don't care. I don't care. That's I'm just curious, and, and, yeah, I love the experience. Lastly, something wild and wonderful by Anita Kelly, which is a really wholesome gay love story on the Pacific Crest Trail. What's not to love? I loved the characters, and it made me think of the series Heartstopper. And I know that these are graphic novels as well by, Alice Oseman. I found that something wild and wonderful had the same kind of sweet, Smart quality.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:31:11]:
And a special shout out to the book I mentioned earlier, Nowhere for Very Long, a memoir by Brianna Madia. And for those of you who speak French, who are in Quebec, These 2 had reflections about being childfree, which I really appreciated. Lastly, best podcasts of the year. I listened to a lot of We Can Do Hard Things by Glennon Doyle, Abby Wombach, and, Glennon's sister, Amanda Doyle. No. Not I'm not sure what her last name is. I I just love them. They make me laugh, and they make me think.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:31:49]:
I listen to a lot of Bewildered by my favorite coach, Martha Beck, and her partner, Rowan Mangan. They also make me laugh and think. They opened my heart. And finally, Jillian on love about dating and relationships. I love her take, and I've talked a lot about Her in the last, 2 episodes ago, my episode on dating. And finally, a special shout out to the podcast healing embodied that I discovered recently about how to get out of your head when you are in a relationship and be more in your body. That's definitely something I wanna work on in 2024, but I'll do an episode about 2024 and what's coming for me soon. So that's it for now.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:32:36]:
Thank you all so much for listening to this podcast. I love doing this, and I love to hear from you. I love when you drop in my inbox and tell me who you are because then when I record, an episode I can think about you and and know who are the the people around the world that I'm helping with this podcast. It feels very encouraging. So I'm sending you all my love. I'm sending you a big virtual hug and Wish you happy holidays if you celebrate the holidays. I hope you are gonna get time off work, and if you don't, I raise my glass to you. Don't forget to book a call with me this week if you're interested in working together.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:33:25]:
Self growth nerds.com/audacity. It's your last chance to meet with me in 2023, and I cannot wait to meet you face to face. Otherwise, I will talk to you next week as always. Bye. Hey. If you love what you're hearing on the Self Growth Nerds podcast and you want individual help finding a new direction in for your life and developing the courage to make your dreams a reality. You have to check out how we can work together on self growth nerds .com or message me on Instagram at self growth nerds. My clients say they would have needed that support years ago.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:34:09]:
So if you're tired of feeling like you're wasting your life, don't wait. Get in touch now, and I cannot wait to meet you.