Episode 197 - Why Making Pros and Cons Lists is a Flawed Decision-Making Method
We’ve all made a pros and cons list to tackle a big decision, but what if this trusted tool is actually keeping you stuck? From our brain’s bias for the familiar to fear-driven assumptions about the unknown, these lists often tip the scales unfairly toward staying comfortable rather than choosing growth. In this episode, I’ll share 5 surprising reasons why this approach falls short, along with real-life stories that show how it can mislead us—and what to do instead.
Topics
Journaling exercise
Using AI for journaling
Five Reasons Why Pros and Cons Lists are Flawed
How assumptions and fears fill the gaps about new possibilities
Challenging assumptions and identifying core values
Links
👉 Want to dig deeper into what you learned in the podcast? Go to selfgrowthnerds.com/links to work 1-on-1 with me! 👈
Upcoming Event Announcement:
Montreal Self-Growth Nerds meeting! Next December, we’ll have a journaling event to reflect on 2024 and plan for 2025.
Transcript
[AUTO-GENERATED]
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:00:04]:
Hey, welcome to the Self Growth Nerds podcast. I'm your host, Marie, a courage coach, creative soul and adventure seeker. Since thru hiking the Pacific Crest Trail in 2019, I'm on a mission to help you embrace your most confident self so you can achieve your dreams too. If you're eager for deep conversations, big questions and meaningful connections, join me on the quest to discovering how we can create a more magical and memorable life. Hello nerds. How are you? I'm really good. I'm excited about the topic of today's episode. We're going to talk about why making lists of pros and cons actually doesn't work, how it's a flawed decision making method.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:00:56]:
But first, I have a few things to share. Last week I met up with a friend of mine and we did a journaling exercise in which we asked ourselves what was most important to us in the last few weeks of the year. We're halfway through November, so there's a month and a half left before we close 2024. And at first when she suggested this, I didn't think much of it. I was like, the year is already basically over. But it was surprisingly helpful to consider how I wanted to show up in each aspect of my life and what I wanted to prioritize and how I wanted to end the year in an intentional way. Everything that I wanted to do was kind of jumbled up in my mind and this helps bring order and direction and therefore inner peace. So 100% recommend you can do it on your own, but it's even more fun with a friend.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:02:02]:
We basically set a 30 minutes timer. She put some really good music in the background and then after the 30 minutes we shared with each other, so tops an hour. Speaking of journaling, the second thing I wanted to share is that this morning I sat down with my journal and there was a situation that was making me frustrated in a disproportional way to what was going on in reality. And I wanted to figure out what was going on underneath the surface. So I took my phone out and opened the ChatGPT app and tried to use it as a journaling partner for the first time ever. And let me tell you, it was mind blowing. I explained the situation and then I asked ChatGPT to give me journaling prompts that would help me deepen and challenge my thinking around the situation. And half an hour later I had filled six pages of my journal and the questions were really good and I had really important breakthroughs.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:03:12]:
So, you know, if you love introspection, but you don't always know what question to start with. In order to dig deeper, you can use AI. Okay, last but not least, if you're a self grown nerd who lives in Montreal, I'm going to do an in person event in December about the year that just went by. It's going to be a journaling evening where we reflect on 2024 and look ahead at 2025. So we're going to think about what worked, what didn't work, what was hard, what we want to celebrate, what we're proud of, and then we're going to consider how we want to approach 2025 intentionally and what is most important to us for the year to come. I don't know when it's going to happen yet. I know it's going to be in the first two weeks of December. There's going to be a limited amount of spots because it's at my local cafe.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:04:14]:
There's going to be like 20 to 25 seats. So keep an eye out, make sure you follow me on Instagram because as soon as I have more information, I'll let you know over there and give you a link to book your ticket, which I'm going to make sure is super affordable. I had the idea to do this after the American election when I was thinking, you know what, what matters most to me right now is building a stronger community locally. So I want all the self growth nerds who live in the same city to be able to meet and connect all the people who love to go deep and ask themselves powerful questions. I want to create a space for them. So this is the idea. I'm really excited. We're going to make it cozy and memorable.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:05:06]:
I'm also super proud. I was nervous to ask the owner. I was afraid he would think that it was like silly, but he said yes right away. So if you have an idea like this in the back of your mind, trust. Trust your ideas and trust that there are people out there that will want to support you. All right, let's dive in. Today we're talking about one of the most popular way to make tough decisions. And this is the pros and cons list.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:05:40]:
I want to give you five reasons why it doesn't actually work the way we think it does and how it might actually be keeping us stuck in situations where quitting or changing course might be the better option. Then next week I'm going to make an episode about what to do instead of making a list of pros and cons that is so much more powerful. So when people make lists of pros and cons, we often assume that both options, sticking with the status quo, trying something new, are equally known and measurable. But in reality, they are not. Reason number one, why this method is flawed is that the status quo, what we're already doing, feels known and comfortable. Our current situation is much easier to assess because we've been living with it for some time. Even if we don't love it, even if we're a little bit miserable, we understand it. We know the small annoyances that come with our job or with our partner.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:06:49]:
We know the limitations, we know the rewards. It feels safe. We have a lot more factual information in this category. Reason number two, why making a list of pros and cons is flawed is that the unknown option is often viewed through a lens of fear and assumptions. Because we lack information when we consider the new possibility, whether it's changing career, moving to a new city, leaving a relationship, starting a business, we're going to often unconsciously fill in the blanks with fear based assumptions. We're going to imagine worst case scenarios, we're going to exaggerate the risks, we might assume we will fail, or that the new choice will lead to regret, even though we don't have concrete evidence of that. This assumption is rooted in fear of the unknown and not necessarily in actual data. For example, when I was considering whether or not to leave my seven year relationship, one of my cons was, well, I'm going to have to start new and I don't think I have the energy for that.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:08:05]:
Online dating sounds awful. Turns out though, that it ended up being super fulfilling because I had an attitude of openness and curiosity. I was playful, I was getting to know myself, I was meeting wonderful people and generally having a really good time. So my assumption before I made the decision was not based on facts, it was just a projection based on fear and uncertainty. So because the status quo feels comfortable and the unknown option is viewed through a lens of fear, very often this leads us to reason number three, why making a list of pros and cons doesn't work is that this comparison is unequal. We're not really comparing apples to apples. We have a lopsided comparison because we're assessing a real situation against an imagined one. This is really important to note.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:09:07]:
Because of reason number four, our brains tend to default to the familiar. Like I've told you many times, humans are wired to want to stay in the cave. It feels safer even if the situation isn't ideal, even if the cave is humid, even if the people that they're surrounded with are annoying, this is called the status quo bias. We tend to stick to what we know because when we're faced with the unknown, our brains is going to downplay the potential rewards and exaggerate what might go wrong. This leads to a skewed perception and makes the unknown option seem much worse than it probably is. I was having a conversation with my boss and she was telling me about her career transition. She used to work in communication and television and she's now a coach. She switched career when she was around 39 years old and she had a three year old daughter.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:10:10]:
So she had a bunch of reasons not to do it, to stick to what was known and stable. But she decided to go for it one step at a time. It was not like a reckless decision. It was a transition that she prepared. And what she said that blew my mind is it was actually not that difficult. It was much easier than I thought it would be. She realized that what was truly difficult was waking up to something that she was not aligned with every morning. Which leads us to reason number five.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:10:49]:
Reason number five is that making a list of pros and cons doesn't consider your core values. When we create such a list, we typically focus on logical factors. What's practical, what's safe, what's financially responsible. But we don't usually dig into why these things matter to us personally. What's really important to us versus what we can live without. The weight of each element on your list is going to be different depending on who you are as a person and what truly drives you. For example, let's say you put financial security as a pro of staying in a stable job that you no longer enjoy. But personal fulfillment, creativity, making a meaningful contribution are core values of yours, then financial security might not matter as much as you thought if you think about it through the lens of your deeper desires.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:11:53]:
I remember a client of mine who was working in a very well paid field and they were considering going into social work. So one of their cons was taking a salary cut and one of the pros was making more of an impact. Now these two don't have the same importance. In everyone's mind, that client had to ask themselves what's most important to me. They might realize, actually, I don't really care. Maybe it's more of a worry around what people will think of me. Maybe I've been taught to care about salary by my parents or my peers, but deep down what I want is to have more enjoyment in my day. To day.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:12:39]:
There's also an element of assumption here. We assume that going into social work is going to mean less money, but it might not, depending on what you choose to do. You might be surprised. You might also believe that being a high earner is a priority of yours and then realize once you're in a job that makes you feel fulfilled on a daily basis, that you don't need as much money as you thought because you don't need to find purpose outside of work by buying a bunch of stuff or going on expensive trips. And this is just an example to show you how limited and narrow minded making a list of pros and cons can be. You can try it if you want. Think of a decision you have to make in your life right now. Make a list of pros and cons and then try to identify what are the actual facts versus what are the feelings, the fears, the assumptions.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:13:40]:
Maybe you can even challenge your assumptions using last week's episode with the five most powerful questions I asked my clients. Maybe you can also highlight the points on your list that are most important to you, that weigh the heaviest, and try to identify the value of yours, your core value that's hiding underneath. This is all going to help you have a much more accurate and balanced perspective that making a list of pros and cons usually doesn't provide. Okay, that's it for today. This episode was short but sweet. Hope you're leaving with some insights. Don't hesitate to reach out on Instagram elfgrownlearns to let me know your thoughts and next week I will share what I suggest you do. Instead of a list of pros and cons, I have a method that I find much more reliable.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:14:36]:
All right, have a beautiful week everyone. I'm sending you lots and lots of love. Bye. Hey, if you love what you're hearing on the Self Growth Nerds podcast and you want individual help finding a new direction for your life and developing the courage to make your dreams a reality, you have to check out how we can work together on selfgrowthnerds.com or message me on Instagram @selfgrowthnerds. My clients say they would have needed that support years ago. So if you're tired of feeling like you're wasting your life, don't wait. Get in touch now. And I cannot wait to meet you.