Episode 180: Commitment Instead of Confidence
Half-hearted efforts create half-hearted results. That’s why committing fully to your goals is essential for success, and the only way to discover what you’re really capable of. If you're prone to analysis paralysis or struggle to finish what you start, this episode is a must-listen. Discover what true commitment means, learn strategies to follow through when challenges arise, and uncover key pitfalls to avoid for an enjoyable journey.
Topics
Discussion on the fear of commitment and making impactful decisions
Explanation of the 4 C's formula: commitment, courage, capability, and confidence
Personal experiences of commitment, failure, and eventually finding success
Emphasis on the importance of making a decision and taking action
Links
👉 Want to dig deeper into what you learned in the podcast? Go to selfgrowthnerds.com/school to work together! 👈
✨🏕️Join Rachel Meltzer and me in Brave New Path, a very intimate retreat, designed for quirky creatives obsessed with self-growth and ready to reignite their spark!🏕️✨
Transcript
[AUTO-GENERATED]
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:00:06]:
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:00:06]:
Welcome to the self growth nerds podcast. I'm your host Marie, a courage coach, creative soul and adventure seeker. Since thru hiking the Pacific Crest Trail in 2019, I'm on a mission to help you embrace your most confident self so you can achieve your dreams too. If you're eager for deep conversations, big questions and meaningful connections, join me on the quest to discovering how we can create a more magical and memorable life. Hello nerds, how are you? I'm doing really good, Except I'm really hot. It's really hot here right now. And when I record the podcast, I need to close my windows and turn off my fans and all of this, so that there's no noise. But we're gonna make it through.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:00:57]:
I was looking at the weather in Las Vegas because I'm going there later today to meet my friend Allison for a conference, really excited, and Google says there's excessive heat there. It's a 106 right now. Tomorrow is gonna be a 109, then a 110. It goes all the way up to a 112. That is crazy. And apparently the hotel where the, conference is happening is so cold inside because of the air conditioning that you have to wear a sweater. So choosing what to wear has been a little bit confusing. Anyway, enough with the small talk for now.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:01:35]:
Today we are talking about commitment, but before we dive in I wanna make an announcement. It's about the Brave New Path retreat that I'm hosting with my friend Rachel in October. If you've been tempted to join us, if you're feeling lost, if you're feeling numb and disconnected from what used to excite you, you want to reignite your fire and go after what you really, really want, but you can't really afford it or it's a bit of a stretch, we decided to offer payment plans. And it's only going to be available starting today on the day that this episode comes out. So Monday, July 22nd until Sunday, July 28. Okay? Because the reason why it's only open for a week is because we want you to be able to pay for the retreat in 3 payments before the retreat takes place in October. So for a bed in the shared room it's going to be 3 monthly payments of $267 and for a private room it's going to be 3 payments of $333 Much more affordable. So if you've been hesitating hopefully that makes you go, yes, that makes the retreat possible for me.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:02:56]:
And you can go sign up now to make sure there are still spots available. This investment includes your stay in a high end modern chalet in the woods. It's beautiful. And if you're arriving in Montreal, it also includes a shuttle from Montreal to the chalet, which is in the mountains, an hour and a half away. It also includes your welcome dinner as well as all of your breakfasts, lunches, beverages and snacks. Plus, and that's what's most important, is it includes 6 transformational workshops that we're gonna walk you through to go from second guessing yourself and not being really sure where you're going with your life, to feeling clear and feeling full of conviction about a direction that lights you up, feeling courageous enough to take the first steps, and having a plan not only a plan, but tools to process your fears as you move forward so that you don't give up as soon as it gets tough. And because Rachel and I are nerds for cute notebooks, you will also get a creativity toolkit with not only a notebook that was created by a local stationery company, but also pens and post its and surprises to remind you of this memorable weekend forever. Okay.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:04:20]:
So to book your ticket now, it's at selfgirlnurds.com /retreat. And remember, the payment plan is only available until Sunday, July 28th. And this payment plan does not cost extra. It's the same price as the pay in full. So go take advantage of that now. We just decided to do that to make it easier for you if you wanted to come. Cellgrocnoids.com/retreat. Now let's get into today's episode.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:04:54]:
We're going to talk about what it means to commit, why it matters, and what to avoid. Last week I was on an assessment call with someone that we're gonna call Alex. Of course, these calls are confidential so I don't wanna share their real name, but I thought their story was so relatable and so relevant to today's topic. So without sharing too many details, I'm gonna tell you in broad strokes. This person, Alex, has recently come back home from a thru hike. And when they came home, they didn't want to go back to their old career. Same thing that I experienced, like a feeling of disgust almost. Like your whole body a whole body know.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:05:42]:
And so they picked up a random job that was gonna pay the bills, and they came to me saying I'm not sure what's next with my career and know that I don't wanna go back to what I did before, but I'm not sure, you know, what I want to do. So I started asking them questions. What have you thought about? And one of the first things that they told me is there's this thing that's been on my mind since I was like in college, but I'm just not sure it's the right answer. Okay, why? Well, you know, I'm not that passionate about it. I don't have like a, yes, that's it. That's what I'm going to do for the rest of my life, and that is how I'm going to make an impact. So I said to them, okay, so what? What are you afraid of? And Alex said, well, what if I get bored? What if I end up realizing that it was not for me? And what I said to them is, well, you change your mind. You have permission to change your mind.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:06:50]:
This doesn't have to be forever. But if it's been with you like a steady drip for all this time, you've got to at least try, like give it a good try. Do you know why? Because committing is the only way to truly discover what you're really capable of and what's possible for you. If you just try something half heartedly, the results are going to be half hearted as well. I see too many people falling in the trap of all or nothing thinking. I either have to have this feeling of certainty that this is it. This is the path I need to take or I need to wait. And they get stuck in analysis paralysis because they're afraid of making the wrong decision.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:07:41]:
But making a decision is always better than making no decision. Because as soon as you make a decision and you fully commit, you're gonna start learning, you're gonna start gathering information about what you like, what you don't like, what works, what doesn't work. And then you'll be better equipped to make the next decision after that and then the one after it. Something else that I told Alex is if this has been with you for so long, you owed it to yourself to go check out what it is that you have to learn on that path. And it might end up looking completely different from what you imagine now, but you won't know what step 15 is going to look like if you're not willing to take step 1 or 2. So stop waiting for certainty. Commit wholeheartedly, not forever, but but wholeheartedly, and you will be transformed by that kind of energy. Now I want to tell you about the 4 c's formula that the author Dan Sullivan created because I think it's brilliant.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:08:52]:
Most people before doing something wait to feel confident. But what Dan Sullivan suggests is we've got to completely flip our perspective because it's actually the opposite. So what comes first is commitment, then courage, then capability, and at the end, the last step is confidence. Let me explain in greater details. So commitment, the first step, is about deciding you know what, I'm going to head in that direction. I'm in. This is a decision, active decision. Then courage is taking the first step, the second step, the third step, even though you're not sure.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:09:40]:
You're afraid, you're full of doubts, you don't know if it's gonna work, you don't know if you're going to be good enough, if people are going to be interested, if you're going to be laughed at, but you take the first steps anyway. And the more steps you take, the more you start feeling capable. Yes, you might fail sometimes but you get up again and you keep moving and show yourself that you are stronger than you think. So first you have committed, that was the decision, you haven't done anything yet. You committed, and then you were courageous enough times to make one bold move after another, which slowly but surely expands your comfort zone until you start feeling capable. You know that you can hang out in the arena. You had your face slapped a few times, but you know you can get up again. And then eventually, you start feeling confident.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:10:41]:
You know how the arena works. You know you've got this. You know you're good at this. And it starts feeling quite easy. But that, that comes last. So if you wait for that feeling of confidence, that feeling of certainty that you've got the right path, this is the right answer, then you will wait for a damn long time. One of the reasons that people do this, myself included, if I think back to when I was considering a thru hike of the Pacific Crest Trail, is I didn't wanna be embarrassed if I came home after 2 weeks. I thought, well, I will have given up my career and spent all this time preparing just to quit? That's gonna be embarrassing.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:11:30]:
Until a couch told me, well, you know, most people are just sitting on their couches, talking about what they will do one day but not doing anything. So what's better, going there and leaving after 2 weeks or just never giving it a try? And that hit really hard for me. Someone else recently on another assessment call told me about a book they wanted to get published. And I was telling them that in order for this to happen, they had to believe that it was actually possible. They had to to be like, I have something important to say and I'm gonna make sure this book gets published. Because that conviction is what's going to sell their project everywhere that they go. If you're wishy washy, if you're like not sure, full of doubts, that's contagious. So you've got to work on strengthening your belief.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:12:30]:
But then that person told me, well I don't wanna be someone who is so sure that their book is going to get published, because then if it doesn't happen, it's gonna be embarrassing. And I challenged them there. Embarrassing to whom? It's not like there's an embarrassment police. It all depends on the story that you tell yourself. You get to choose. You can choose to believe it's embarrassing or you can choose to believe it was really brave. And if your, let's say your aunt thinks it's embarrassing, tells you more about her than it does about you. She probably had a dream that she didn't pursue because I don't know she made up excuses.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:13:15]:
She was too busy. She had things going on. And so, when people go all in and then they don't meet their own expectations maybe she gets a little bit of dark joy from it. See? I was right in not pursuing my dream, because they tried pursuing theirs and they failed. And what does failure even mean in that example? Failure is just a pit stop. If you didn't succeed in getting your book published, you didn't succeed yet. You can get up and try again in a different way. I have told the story of how I created passive income many times on this podcast but I'll tell you again really quickly because this is a great example.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:14:04]:
So more than 3 years ago now, I teamed up with a friend to create a tool for parents that we sell online. I still to this day make about $1,000 every month out of this, and I haven't lifted a finger in years. And that 1st year that we launched the product, I made 5 figures. It replaced a really good chunk of my income and it allowed me so much freedom and flexibility. I was able to change career with more ease because of this, but this didn't fall from the sky. I needed to try a bunch of different things that quote unquote failed, that didn't meet my expectations, before I tried one that actually worked. Same goes with my career change. Just like Alex, when I came back from the Pacific Crest Trail, I didn't want to do graphic design.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:15:03]:
I wanted a job that was going to feel more meaningful, that was gonna give me more freedom and more flexibility. I didn't know yet what it was going to be. At first, I was like, well, maybe I can create an online course that's gonna help people who want to thru hike prepare mentally. That's the first thing that I did. I also created workbooks to help thru hikers. I drew portraits, personalized portraits. I also attempted organizing a virtual summit. And every time that I tried something, I would learn about what I liked, what I didn't like so much, what took too much effort, what didn't feel aligned, what worked, what didn't.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:15:48]:
And eventually eventually, I got where I am today, where I'm still tweaking and refining to create the life of my dreams. But you're not going to be given the magical answer, the right answer, when you're stuck in inaction, when you're not willing to take a step or 2 in the void to put yourself out there and try things. Beware of all or nothing thinking. Again, I'm not telling you to drop everything and go try something new and start from scratch. No. That's going to activate your nervous system and you're probably going to be in fight or flight, survival instinct. That's not good for anyone. So be smart, take your time, there's no rush.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:16:38]:
Keep taking care of yourself whilst trying things on the side. When I talk about commitment, when I say go all in, that doesn't necessarily mean spend every hour of every day on this day. No, it's a matter of quality much more than quantity. What is the quality of your energy, of your presence, when you are spending time on what you have committed to. And I was telling Alex, this doesn't have to be forever, right? If one day it feels out of alignment, so be it. But you still have to go all in for a period of time, and that period of time depends on you, depends on what you're committing to, but it's probably not 2 weeks. It has to be long enough so that you really give it a a good try, and it requires you taking full responsibility. This is so important.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:17:46]:
You don't approach this thinking let's see if it works. No, Taking full responsibility means you think I'm going to give it all I got. I'm gonna do my best. And when it doesn't go according to plan, you don't say well, you know, it didn't work. No. You say I didn't work it. Let's figure out how I can make it work. That is what it means to take full responsibility.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:18:19]:
Something's not working, make it your fault. And this is not about beating yourself up. When I say make it your fault, I just mean focus on what you can control. So don't tell yourself this is not working because the economy, because timing, because no, take it into your own hands. Again, don't beat yourself up, just ask yourself what it is that you can change. How am I not all in? How can I show up in more powerful ways? How can I get better? These questions are going to help you grow. They're gonna help you become a more resilient person, a more creative person. And even if what you committed to ends up not really working out, well, you will have leveled up in the process.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:19:16]:
On the journey towards that goal of yours, you will have become another person, a stronger person. And you know what else is going to help in your commitment is expecting things to go wrong. This way you will be mentally prepared. You wouldn't get married to someone thinking it's going to be easy breezy for the rest of your life, Unless you're a bit naive. I mean, you know you will face struggles. That's why in the marriage vows it says for better or for worse. It's the same with anything that you seriously commit to. It will get hard.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:19:56]:
Learning something new is hard. But like I was telling myself on the Pacific Crest Trail and like I told you many times, if you're a regular listener of the podcast, yes it's tough, but you're tough enough. So just go in, know that it's not always going to meet your expectations, that you're gonna fail, that you're gonna get up again, and you can decide now what you're gonna make it mean about yourself. What's the story you're going to tell yourself? Are you going to tell yourself that it's embarrassing or are you gonna tell yourself I'm so proud and thankful that I gave this a real good try? For me, this last one is going to feel much better when I'm lying in my bed at night or when I'm at the end of my life, like sitting in a rocking chair thinking about the things that I've done. I'd rather think about all the ways that I have failed, than think about all the things I wish I should've done but was never bold enough to. Okay? It's up to you. You get to decide the kind of life that you want to lead. Starting today, moving forward.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:21:11]:
And last little piece of advice slash warning, Don't over commit. That's why many people I think get exhausted is they get confused between interest and commitment. You might be interested in sewing, for example, but that doesn't mean you have to commit to sewing. I made that mistake when it came to climbing. I was interested in climbing, and I thought I had to commit, but committing to climbing and signing up to the lead climbing class and trying to level up, it just removed all the joy out of climbing for me because it was just something I was interested in, and I thought being interested in something was not enough. It is enough. You get to just be interested in stuff and you don't have to do them wholeheartedly. You can go climb twice a week and do it halfheartedly.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:22:09]:
That's fine. It's just for fun. You're not expecting results. Right? So make sure you don't think you have to commit to every single thing in your life. I think that's a really important distinction to make. You might be in an exploration phase. Let's say you're dating. You're meeting a bunch of different people.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:22:30]:
You don't have to commit to them. You're getting to know them, and then eventually you get to decide, maybe I want to actually commit to this one person or these 2 people or these 3 people. Let's say you're polyamorous. But you don't have to, you get to choose, and it's not a light choice. It's a choice that has to be taken seriously because you will only be able to move through the struggle on that journey if you are seriously committed. So be clear who and what you're committed to, and also be clear who and what you're not really committed to, but just interested in. One last example before we go is I have chosen the close friends I am committed to. It's a small number and I decide these are the relationships I'm going to invest in.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:23:27]:
And the other ones, the other people in my life, I like them, but I'm not going to make as much of an effort to take care of. So choose who you want to prioritize, choose what you want to commit to and you'll see that committing to something that you care about is going to add meaning to your life and it's going to make you feel more alive. That is my promise to you. Okay. That is it for this week. I hope this episode was helpful. There is a new feature on Spotify now that I'm really excited about. You can comment on the episodes.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:24:08]:
Guys you can comment on the episodes and I can reply to your comments. I really want this to become a thing. I crave a relationship with you. I'm like sitting alone recording this thinking about all the people that I know are listening every week, and I really want to hear from you. I want you to tell me what resonates with you the most, what you learn, the insights that you get, the breakthroughs that you have while you're listening to the to the podcast, and I'm gonna reply to you. Just go to the episode on Spotify and at the bottom, scroll to the bottom, and you get to comment. Super easy. I'm really excited about this new feature.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:24:50]:
Okay, last but not least, reminder to go book your ticket for the Brave New Path Retreat. The payment plan is available until Sunday, July 28th. So go book your ticket now at self goatonerds dotcom/retreat. I cannot wait to meet you in October. And to everyone else who cannot make it, well, I hope to organize more in the future, and maybe you'll be available then, and we get to nerd out on personal growth and big dreams in person. Alright. Have a beautiful rest of your week everyone. I'm sending you lots of love and big hugs.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:25:34]:
And I'm headed to Vegas. Bye. If you love what you're hearing on the South Girl Nerds podcast and you want individual help finding a new direction for your life and developing the courage to make your dreams a reality, you have to check out how we can work together on selfgrowthnerds.com or message me on Instagram at self growth nerds. My clients say they would have needed that support years ago. So if you're tired of feeling like you're wasting your life, don't wait. Get in touch now, and I cannot wait to meet you.