Episode 129 - 5 Questions to Help You Realign
This episode is a potpourri of questions to help you reconnect to your core self and what matters most in your life. Listen as you go for a reflective walk, or sit with your journal and write down your answers.
Topics
The concept of "thin places" in Celtic mysticism.
Embracing the unknown.
Following one's inner voice.
The concept of regret as a motivator for action.
Inertia vs Movement.
Links
If you are ready to do the work and create a more intentional life, click here to book a free 1:1 discovery session.
People mentioned:
Stephen Kinsella, Professor of Economics and Head of Department at the University of Limerick
Omid Malekan, Explainer-in-Chief of Blockchain Technology
Jillian Lavender, Vedic Meditation Teacher, Author, and Co-Founder of London Meditation Centre and New York Meditation
Yvonne Telford, Founder, and Creative Director of Kemi Telford
Sam Conniff, British Author and Founder of Livity
Books & other media:
Bittersweet, by Shauna Niequist
Heartstopper series and book, by Alice Oseman
Transcript
[AUTO-GENERATED]
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:00:00]:
You. Hey, welcome to the self-growth nerds podcast. I'm your host, Marie, a courage coach, creative soul, and adventure seeker since, through hiking the Pacific Crest Trail in 2019, I'm on a mission to help you embrace your most confident self so you can achieve your dreams, too. If you're eager for deep conversations, big questions, and meaningful connections, join me on the quest to discovering how we can create a more magical and memorable life. Hello. Hello, Nerds. How are you? I'm really good. Today I have a different kind of episode for you.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:00:47]:
I feel like it's a little piece of candy for those of us who love introspection, which I assume is all of us here listening to this right now. So, last week I was telling you that recently I went to the most amazing event called the Do Lectures in Wales. It's four days of talks and workshops with purpose driven leaders. I took so many notes when I was there, and I want to share with you some of the most thought provoking questions that the speakers asked or that their talks inspired in me. So feel free to grab your journal and reflect on them or even ask your friends next time you want to have a deep conversation. So let's start with the first one, which comes from Omid Malikan, who calls himself the Explainer in Chief of Blockchain Technology. His question is, what's the story of your life that you have been telling yourself for a long time and have been trying really hard to fit into? Maybe you grew up in a family of doctors, for example, and it's always been expected of you that you also become a healthcare professional, and anything less than that is seen as not valuable. And so maybe you've been trying to fit who you are at your core, which is a circle into this triangle.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:02:25]:
Maybe you've got an artsy side, or you've always been more interested in social work, or you want to be a primary school teacher, but you won't allow yourself to explore these aspects of your person because it doesn't fit into the story that you've always been told and that you've integrated about yourself. Personally, I had to rewrite my own story when I wanted to through hike the Pacific Crest Trail because it didn't match in my mind. I was a clumsy dork who was not an athlete, who was actually quite the opposite, who used to get the ball in the face in gym class. And it just seemed like, impossible for someone like me. And so I had to throw that book away, throw that constructed image of who I am in the trash and start over, create something new, blow my own mind. You can do that, too. But like Omid said, the more ambitious you are about the change you want to make in your life, the messier the path is going to be. But if you embrace the mess, good things are going to happen.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:03:41]:
And I speak from experience here because since through hiking the Pct four years ago, I've been trying so many new things and I feel a lot of discomfort almost every day, and I'm getting used to it. That's the mess, and that's the price to pay for deep fulfillment. Let's move to question number two, which comes from Stefan Kinsella, professor of Economics and head of department at University of Limerick in Ireland. This one is really simple. He asked what alters you. I love this word. What alters you? What moves you deeply? What breaks your heart open? What leaves you changed? And John Green. You know, I'm a big fan of John Green, the Vlogger and author asked a few years ago, when do you feel like your life is most meaningful? This also reminds me of something that Shona Nyquist talks about in her book Bittersweet.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:04:51]:
She writes, One of my favorite Celtic ideas is the concept of thin places. A thin place, according to the Celtic mystics, is a place where the boundary between the natural world and the supernatural one is more permeable, thinner, if you will. Sometimes there are physical places. There are places all over Ireland where people have said, if you stand here, if you face this direction, if you hike to the top of that ridge at just the right time of day, there's a thin place. A place where the passage between heaven and earth is a short one, a place where God's presence is almost palpable. Some are physical places and some aren't places at all, but states of being or circumstances or seasons. When we find a thin place anytime, anywhere, we should live differently in the face of it. Because if we don't, we miss some of the best moments that life with God has to offer us.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:05:47]:
These thin places are gifts, treasures, and they're worth changing our lives for. And if you're not religious, you can change the word God to universe. So when was the last time that you experienced a thin place? When was the last time that you felt altered? To me, it's funny, because the last time I felt altered was a few days ago when I binge watched the series Hard Stopper. It's based on a graphic novel or a comic by Alice Ozman. It's a British love story is so beautiful and wholesome and pure and vulnerable. Usually I don't watch teenage TV series, especially if they're British, because I don't relate with the humor so much. But this one was completely different. These kids are some of the most emotionally intelligent and real characters I've encountered.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:06:50]:
They're more emotionally intelligent than many of the adults I know. And what altered me about this series is that it gave me a vision for what human connection can be like when we have the courage to open ourselves up fully. It's also a beautiful testament to queer love and loving people exactly as they are. Discovering who you are deep down inside. And I love Charlie and Nick and their friends, but oh, my God, Nick's mom, she is so wonderful, and she's just an example of how I wish all children were loved. Anyway, go watch it. It's perfect. Now let's move on to question number three.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:07:38]:
But yeah, this is what altered me recently. Heartstopper. Who knew? Also by Alice Oseman, is the book Radio Silence, which is also beautiful. Okay. Third question by Jillian Lavender. What a beautiful name. She is a Vedic meditation teacher, author and co founder of London Meditation Center and New York Meditation Center. She asked, Where are the pockets of charm in your life right now? And I love this concept.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:08:09]:
She talks about following what is charming, moving towards what is soft, and avoiding what is rough. Now, following true charm always involves the unknown, and that's scary. But she says it's not the unknown we should be afraid of, it's the ever repeating known. That's what makes most of us miserable. Stagnation the unknown actually makes us feel alive. That's what I found when I was on the Pacific Crest Trail. And every time since then that I've done something mad is this sense of feeling most alive when you're doing something new. So what's the new thing you want to try that is seducing you right now? And if you cannot hear your inner voice and where it's leading you to, jillian would probably say try meditation.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:09:11]:
When you meditate, you turn down the noise in your mind and are more able to hear the unambiguous signal that your soul is sending you. So that was question number three. Where are the pockets of charm right now? Let's go to question number four by Yvonne Talford, the founder and creative director of Kemi Talford. She's a fashion designer, and when she was telling her story, one of the questions that she inspired me is, who are the people that take you off your path? She said, you are given purpose and a compass, and your job is to follow the direction that your compass is telling you to go in. But there are some people you will meet on the path that are going to come up with ideas, their ideas. They might sound grandiose, and you will be convinced to follow them, especially if they have a lot of conviction and you doubt yourself. You might just do as they say, and then later down the road, realize actually you were walking down their path, not yours. You've strayed away from yours, and that's why you feel disconnected.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:10:39]:
What matters when that happens is that you notice and just get back on track and get better at smelling. When you meet these people, and when part of you, a worried, insecure part of you, wants to follow them because you trust them more than you trust yourself. When we don't know what we want, or when we're not sure that we're good enough to get what we want. It's super easy to be led off track by people who seem to know what would be good for us, but it's very dangerous, and we got to sharpen our instincts and get really good at sticking to what is right for us, according to us, without asking anyone else. So let me ask you this, a follow up question. Are you on your own path right now, or are you on someone else's path? There is no shame here. It's just good to be aware. There's many times in my life where I remember thinking, oh, my God, I feel like I'm floating down someone else's river.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:11:47]:
This is not the direction I'm meant to go in, and these are very important moments. Okay, now question number five coming from Sam ConIf. He's a British author and founder of Liberty. He was definitely my favorite speaker. And before I give you his question, I just want to share an anecdote. He had painted nails. He had bright orange nails, and I didn't know why. I just thought he stood out from the bunch because of it.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:12:17]:
And then on the last day when he gave his talk, he explained that basically his nails were painted because he had taken his child to a Harry Styles concert, and they'd wanted for them to paint their nails together. What Sam explained was that it was the best thing that they did in a long time, because since they had colorful nails, they noticed that a lot more men came to them and opened up about more vulnerable things. It's as if the colorful nails were a symbol of, I am an open minded person. You can tell me stuff. I'm not just a bro. And that's not how he said it. I'm paraphrasing. But he decided to create a day at April 10.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:13:09]:
He said, starting next year, April 10 is going to be the day where men paint their nails, and it's going to be called Hard as Nails. I thought that was such a good idea and a beautiful story. So his question, which I thought was brilliant, is, what do you know in your body that you will realize later this year? What's the inner knowing that you have been ignoring? What are you avoiding? Because it's too uncertain. What's really sad is that most people will choose unhappiness over uncertainty. That's what Sam said, because we don't learn how to handle uncertainty. Just like I was talking about earlier, the mess, being able to embrace the mess. Dreams are messy because we don't know where to go. We're just doing our best, going in the direction where charm seems to be following the compass, taking two steps where we wish we knew the 50 next steps ahead of us.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:14:18]:
But it's impossible. That's what we've been used to growing up in school. We knew what was in front of us. We just had to follow instructions to get decent grades, and then we would move on to the next year. But that is not what life is. If you want to live fully, that is not the path that your soul is going to take you on. If you want to live an epic life, you're going to have to make friends with uncertainty and messiness. Otherwise you're going to have regrets, I'm sorry to say.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:14:56]:
And that's another question that Sam asked, is what regret do you most want to avoid? Some people are motivated by the carrot and some are motivated by the stick. I know that one of the thought that motivates me is I don't want to meet in the future who I could have become and feel sad that I didn't go for it. If you fear regret more than anything else, it's going to put you into action. And action is what I want to leave you with. Your enemy is inertia. That's what one of the speakers, Stefan Kinsella, that's what he said, your enemy is inertia. What you want to do is be in movement. It's better to make wrong decisions moving forward that make no decisions at all.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:15:46]:
All that matters is to keep moving. And I'm going to leave you with this, which is a quote by Sam ConIf being ready is not a state of mind. Being ready is a choice. So are you going to decide today that you are ready? Yes or no? If you say yes, just go do one thing. Doesn't have to be the right thing. Just have to be something that scares you. Go do something that scares you, that feel uncertain, and that's going to make your comfort zone expand slowly but surely. Okay, giving you a big hug.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:16:19]:
Hope you enjoy this episode and I will talk to you next week. Bye. Hey, if you love what you're hearing on the Self Growth Nerds podcast, and you want individual help finding a new direction for your life and developing the courage to make your dreams a reality, you have to check out how we can work together on Selfgrownds.com or message me on Instagram at Growth nerds. My clients say they would have needed that support years ago. So if you're tired of feeling like you're wasting your life, don't wait. Get in touch now, and I cannot wait to meet you.