Episode 176: My Thoughts On Manifestation: More Logical Than You Think

Manifestation - or the Law of Attraction - doesn’t always have a good reputation due to the lack of scientific evidence and the exaggerated (sometimes unethical) claims some people have made about its effectiveness. In this episode, I share my nuanced perspective on what I see as a practical framework we can use to guide the pursuit of our goals and desires. Tune in to learn the 3 essential steps of manifestation, dive into personal case studies and get powerful journaling prompts to uncover and overcome obstacles.


Topics

  • Marie-Pier's views on manifestation as a neutral tool

  • Writing down goals and committing to them

  • The importance of believing in oneself and visualizing a desired outcome

  • Being open to receiving, such as being open to boredom for creative ideas and feedback for personal growth

  • Understanding one's own needs


Transcript

[AUTO-GENERATED]

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:00:06]:

Welcome to the Self growth Nerds podcast. I'm your host Marie, a courage coach, creative soul and adventure seeker. Since thru hiking the Pacific Crest Trail in 2019, I'm on a mission to help you embrace your most confident self so you can achieve your dreams too. If you're eager for deep conversations, big questions and meaningful connections, join me on the quest to discovering how we can create a more magical and memorable life. Hello Nerds. How are you? I'm doing really good. Today is, more of a casual episode. I don't have lots of notes.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:00:48]:

I just wanna share my thoughts on the topic of manifestation, just as if we were friends sitting around a table drinking coffee. So I had the idea for this episode the other day when I went on a business trip with my partner, and in the evening we were hanging out by the river. He made a joke about the book, The Secret, and asked me if I had read it. I said no. And so he asked AI to come up with a summary of the book and to read it to us, just because we were curious what all the fuss had been about all of these years ago. So according to the AI summary, the law of attraction, which is, another way to say manifestation, is divided in 3 steps. Ask for what you want. Believe that you're worthy of it.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:01:42]:

And be open to receiving it. When I look at manifestation through these three steps, there's a lot of things in my life I could say I have manifested. But I don't tend to use that vocabulary because I don't like what it's associated with, especially when there's an element of shame when you hear new age spiritual gurus imply that, for example, it's your fault if you are sick, it's because you had thoughts that made you sick. I'm not a fan of that at all. I also don't like how sometimes when we hear about manifestation, it sounds like you just ask for what you want and then wait to get it. And there's no mention of the actions you're going to have to take in order to get the result that you want. And to me, that feels entitled. So there's the ashamed entitlement, and last but not least, the lack of acknowledgment of privilege.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:02:42]:

It's much easier for a white man to say that he has manifested a $1,000,000 than it is for a black woman. You take that black woman and you put her in the same shoes, showing up the same way that that white man did, and she's gonna struggle a lot more to create the same result. Because she has no control over the biases of the people in the room that are going to be a part of her getting the result that she wants that being said, I don't wanna throw the baby with the bathwater we could say that manifestation is a framework a sort of tool and tools are neutral just like money or religion, they are harmless. We can use them for good like we can use them for evil. So the question I'm trying to answer in this episode is not is manifestation real, does it work? That doesn't really interest me. What interests me is, how can this framework serve me? The same way I use oracle cards or tarot cards. I don't ask myself, do they really predict the future? To me, that doesn't matter. It's, in what way do they serve me? Well, they help me get in touch with my unconscious.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:04:00]:

They help me get clear on what I want. They help me have really deep, interesting conversations with the people I pull cards with, and that is what's important to me. That's why I find it so absurd when people from different religions are fighting about who is right. As if there was one ultimate truth. There's not. Everything is made up other than trees and rivers and animals we try to make sense as best we can of all of these things. But I think it's important to keep an open mind, to be playful and flexible rather than self righteous. But I'm getting off track now.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:04:42]:

This is getting pretty existential. So let's jump in. The plan for today's episode is I'm gonna explore the 3 steps of manifestation. So ask, believe and receive. And you'll see how I think it's not that esoteric at all. I think there's actually a pretty rational explanation and that's what I want to share today. And then I'm gonna tell you about 3 personal case studies so we can look at those 3 steps with concrete examples from my life. And finally, I'm going to end with tips or questions you can ask yourself to figure out which one of these steps you might struggle with the most when it comes to something you want to manifest in your life.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:05:29]:

Okay. Step 1. Ask for what you want. This makes total sense. If you don't know what you want, you're never gonna put yourself in a position to get it. The issue that I often see is that people know what their ego wants, but they don't know what their true self desires. When I say ego, I'm referring to the personality that you have put together growing up all the masks that you are wearing the roles that you are playing I had an assessment call with someone last week and she said it's kind of like a patchwork personality. So when I ask you what do you want in life? Will you answer for that Patchwork personality or for your core self? Let me give you an example.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:06:23]:

You might say, oh, I really want, lots of really good skincare products so that my skin looks better. Is that what you really want, or is that what a woman existing in a patriarchal society wants? Maybe what you really want deep down in your core is to feel safe to show up as you are no matter what your skin looks like. There's a difference here. I might say that I want a 100,000 followers on Instagram, but that's a vanity metric. When the deeper desire might be something like ease or making an impact. It's important to to know what your real desire is. Otherwise, there's going to be an internal incongruence. If half of you focuses on getting the 100,000 followers when the other half of you couldn't care less about that number, then they're gonna be pulling in 2 different directions, which is gonna make it hard for you to make progress, to actually show up and take the actions that you need to take in order to get there because there's going to be a massive amount of resistance.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:07:38]:

One more example, let's say you want a promotion at work. You might say you want a promotion at work, you might like what it's going to sound like to your family and what it's going to look like in your bank account. But maybe half of you, the half that you've been ignoring, your core, your true Self, doesn't care about any of that. And they actually really love your current position because the tasks you have to do bring them joy, and they know that if they were to get a promotion, they would not get to do these tasks anymore. So you may try to get this promotion, but along the way, you you might struggle to feel motivated to do what it takes and not understand why and feel frustrated at yourself when actually what's happening is that the the part of you that's not in alignment with your goal is is is pulling in the other direction, trying to make you understand that they're not interested. This first step is never going to work if there is an internal conflict between what Martha Beck would say between culture and nature. So if you're holding on very tightly to a role in your culture that's in opposition with your true nature, then you're gonna keep meeting resistance. And when I'm talking about holding on to a role in your culture, I'm referring to the the role you're playing in the the theater of life.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:09:17]:

So are you trying to be the successful family man? Are you trying to play the struggling artist or maybe the, the woman who's got her shit together at all times? If you were to play casting director, what role would you cast yourself in? These roles come with a bunch of expectations and acts like presence. So when you're trying to figure out what you want, sometimes it's challenging because you have been playing that role for so long that it's like the the mask has blended in with the skin of your face, and you need to figure out how to remove the mask and get to have a a reintroduction to yourself, to who you really are deep down in your core. So these are my thoughts on step 1, knowing and asking for what you want. And if you feel discouraged listening to me, if you know that you do struggle with this step, don't worry. It's one step at a time and I'm going to come back at the end to give you journaling prompts to reflect on this Self awareness is already a massive step in the right direction. So if this episode helps you see your blind spots, start seeing your blind spots, then it it's great. Then step number 2 is about belief. You gotta believe that you're worthy of receiving what you want.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:10:55]:

Now, when I work with my clients and we figure out what they want for their life I ask them on a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you believe that is possible for you? Or like in terms of percentage, how much of you believes it's possible? And often at the beginning of our work together, they will say something like, oh, 30, 40 percent of me believes it's possible. But really, I think it's just too good to be true. It's not for people like me, and I don't even know how I would get there. Like, I have no clue what would be the first step even. And they speak as if these are facts. Like, it's too good to be true. It's not for people like me. I don't have the map, the Growth map to get there.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:11:43]:

But it is just messaging that they have integrated most of the time. They have been told all their life, either directly by their caretakers or indirectly in the the messaging of their culture. Here's what you can do, and here's what you cannot do. Let's say you have a business idea that lights you up, but there is not one single business owner in your family. They're all people who work 9 to 5 jobs. So you might think to yourself, well, clearly it's not for me because you don't have evidence that it's possible for people like you to start businesses. You might also have grown up hearing people talk negatively about their bosses or about the importance of financial stability. So you internalized a very specific kind of messaging in comparison to me who grew up with parents who are both entrepreneurs and who wouldn't have had it any other way.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:12:50]:

The messaging I've internalized is you can do this too. So it does make it easier for me to get started in business. However, the the other side of the coin is because my parents were very much identified with their work, I've also internalized the messaging that you are what you do for a living, and that makes it challenging when my business is not going as well as I want it to be, I make it mean all sorts of stuff about me as a human being. Another example that comes to mind is the movie Hillbilly Elegy with Amy Adams. There are a bunch of hillbillies, I think, in the South, and her son wants to become a lawyer, but they've none of them have gone to university, and they kind of just believed we're not smart. We're not smart people. But he is, and he he wants to do big things. And so he has to work through all of the messaging that he's grown up believing.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:13:54]:

And that's what Brooke Castillo calls the river of misery. When you've been so used to believe one thing and you're trying to believe something else, it creates a lot of cognitive dissonance and it requires a lot of energy to rewire. The reason why it's so important to heal and healing here is rewiring your programming is because it will show up in the actions that you take, in the energy that you bring. So let's say you go for a job interview. If 70% of you believe that you are not smart enough for the job, we will hear it in your shaky voice and see it in your insecure body language, versus someone who might not be as smart as you, but believes that they are smart enough for the job. Their voice will be more self assured and their body language will be more confident. Therefore, they will be more likely to inspire trust and be Otherwise, all of your Otherwise, all of your unconscious programming is leading the show. Look, we're never going to heal a 100%.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:15:20]:

There will always be, insecure parts of us. But the goal is that we heal enough so that they don't take over the wheel. They sit on the passenger seat. So when I ask you how much of you believes this is possible for you, you can say, oh, I believe like 60 to 70 percent but yeah, there's still like 30 to 40 percent of me that's freaking out completely that's okay that's totally normal as long as that part of you is sitting on the passenger seat and it just lets you drive because it knows you're in charge, and it knows you will take care of it later that day. The work I do with my clients here is 3 fold. 1st, they've got to become aware of their automatic programming. So what's the messaging they've internalized and how does that show up in their day to day? That's number 1. Number 2, we've got to rewire the the stories that they tell themselves, choose what they intentionally want to believe, practice believing that.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:16:27]:

And number 3, which is crucial, many people skip that because it's uncomfortable, It's you've got to be there for the parts of you that were created with the old messaging. So the fearful parts of you, the parts of you that struggle feeling worthy, feeling lovable, They're not going to disappear and you can't shush them. You can't tell yourself, stop thinking this way. No. You've got to learn how to take care of those parts of you. That's what's actually gonna help them calm down. And there are tools you can learn to do that. Okay.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:17:11]:

Step 3. Be open to receiving. Once you have asked for what you want and you believe that you are worthy of receiving it, there has got to be space in your life for that thing whatever it is. Let's say what you want is to do more personal creative projects. You wanna get into drawing or you wanna write a book but you spend 2 or 3 evenings a week you go to scout meetings that you're not interested in because you've been doing that for years. You don't wanna disappoint the other people there, and you're scared of what what they would think about you if you stopped What's happening is that because of your people pleasing tendencies there is no space in your life for you to do the personal projects that would bring you the sense of fulfillment that you desire. Another example, let's say you want to meet the love of your life. But everywhere you go, when you're on public transport or when you are waiting for like a friend in a cafe, you're scrolling your phone.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:18:21]:

Your eyes are on your phone and you're not present. So the person that you might meet sitting next to you on the subway or at the cafe, you're not going to have an encounter with because you're stuck in the world of Instagram or TikTok or whatever it is. Being open to receive also means you gotta listen to your intuition to the subtle nudges. So if you get, like, a subtle nudge that says go out tonight, go out to that bar, or stop by that cafe on your way to work, and you just kind of disregard it, like, ugh, no. I just wanna stay home in my pajamas, then you might be missing out on incredible opportunities. There's so many stories where people say I would never have gone to this place, but I got like a a feeling that it was really important for me to go and I listened and this and that happened and completely changed the course of my life. I said that I didn't think manifestation was esoteric, but I guess this sort of is. I believe in the the power of our intuition, for sure, and the existence of a force that's bigger than us.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:19:35]:

Personally, being open to receive means surrendering to whatever the universe has in store for me so I try to live my life with a playful, courteous, optimistic attitude like I wonder what's around the corner for me. When I was single, I remember whenever I would go to a special event or I would get on a plane, I would think, is this where I'm going to meet my person? And I try to approach my career in the same way, like, I have no idea where I'm gonna be a year from now. I have different paths I'm in interested in, but I'm not in a rush to get to a place of certainty. I want to pay attention to my inner knowing, and I trust that it's going to tell me when to take the next step. And in the meantime, I just try things and see where it takes me without being attached to a specific destination. That's step 3 to me. It makes me think of a a former roommate of mine who would say, if I if I told him, like, like, today's gonna be a bad day, I have x, y, and z to do, and I'm apprehensive, he would tell me, you never know how the day might surprise you. And I loved it because it meant I would set aside my assumptions and be more open.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:21:03]:

Okay. Now I wanna give you 3 personal case studies that we're gonna look at through the lens of these three steps, but before I do so, I wanna tell you about a fun little contest I'm running. As you might imagine, podcast reviews are super helpful to boost the show and help future listeners discover the self growth nerds. So if you've been listening for a while and the podcast has had an impact on your life, I would be super grateful if you left a review. And what I'm going to do is I'm going to offer a free coaching session, a 1 hour coaching session to one of the people who will leave a review in the next 2 weeks. So this episode came out on the 24th June 2024 and I'm going to announce the winner on July 8. There's 2 different ways that you can do that. You can either go to the Apple Podcast app or the Spotify app if you're listening somewhere else I'm sorry you'll have to use one of these two methods because they're the 2 most popular apps So if you are on Apple Podcast, you go to the main podcast page, so Self Growth Nerds where you see the podcast description and you have a list of episodes.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:22:25]:

And you scroll to the bottom where you'll see the star ratings. And underneath the reviews, there's a button that says write a review. Pretty simple. Then in 2 weeks, if I draw your name, I'm gonna call your nickname in the on the on the episode, and you'll be able to contact me and claim your free coaching session. Now, if you're on the Spotify app, there's no way to leave an actual review. You can leave a star rating, which is super helpful. But how we're gonna hack the system is you're gonna go to one of your favorite episodes in the last, say, 10 episodes and you're gonna click on it and at the bottom, it says, what did you think about this episode? And you let me know what you thought, what you loved about the episode. I'm gonna you're not gonna see it appear but I, on the other end, on my system I'm gonna see your comment and I'm going to be able to publish it and that's how you can enter the contest.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:23:28]:

Alright? So go ahead and do that now. You can pause the episode Do that now, and I'm going to put all of your names in a hat and pull a name, and I can't wait to meet the person who I'm going to coach for free for a whole hour. And I'm super thankful to everyone who takes 2 minutes to do this because it is kinda weird to do this every week, alone in front of my microphone, and it fills my heart when I hear from you guys, from the actual people who are on the other end. I know I know I know you are there, but I love getting to know you and hear from you. It's very encouraging for me. Okay. Back to the episode. The first case study I want to share is business related.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:24:15]:

At the start of 2021, I was running my goals for the year in my Notion template and I decided that I wanted to make $100,000 in my business. And to put you in context, for some people, especially in the States, this doesn't seem like a lot of money. But for me, who lives in Quebec, Canada it is it is a good amount, especially when you're starting out So when I wrote down that that number, I was like, oh, bold. I had no evidence that it was possible for me because I had never made this much before. This is step 1, writing it down. If you write it down or if you tell people, it shows the universe that you're not messing around. If we think about this in a more rational way, it just shows your commitment. And someone who is committed is much more likely to succeed in what they're pursuing.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:25:11]:

Versus if it's just in the back of your mind, it's so much easier for you to quietly give up on yourself. Just imagine being in a relationship with someone and not wanting to introduce them to anyone that you love. That tells us that you have 1 foot in and 1 foot out. Whereas if you're like, I can't wait for you to meet everyone that I love, it is a testament to how committed you are to making this relationship work. Okay, step 2 when it comes to my 100 ks goal was believing that I was worthy of making this much money. At first, I must say that it was it seemed absurd. Not that I didn't think I was worthy of it, it's just that I didn't know how that would be possible. But I remember taking walks along the canal by my place, and thinking, I am someone who makes a 100 k.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:26:11]:

I am someone who makes a 100 k. Just repeating that to get my nervous system used to it. And I would imagine what it would be like. Visualization is so important, and it sounds so cheesy, but actually your brain doesn't know the difference between something real and something imagined. So if you imagine what you want, if you spend a lot of time in your mind at the the place where you want to be, it's going to start feeling familiar before you get there. And that is essential. The amount of time I spent on the Pacific Crest Trail just visualizing me getting to the northern terminus. Whenever I was going through a rough patch, I would imagine, like, touching the northern terminus, hugging the northern terminus, just getting there and how I would feel, and it helped me keep going.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:27:08]:

It helped me feel like it was actually possible. So same thing here with the money. And another thing that helped me boost my belief in step 2 is the people that I surrounded myself with. I was very intentional to spend time with people who believed it was possible or were working on believing it was possible. I created a mastermind of other people who were starting out in business and had ambitious goals, and we would meet every Friday. I also spent time with my friend Alison, who's a business owner and had made this much and more. And she just made it seem so possible because to her it had nothing to do with your worth as a human being. It's just numbers.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:27:57]:

It's just maths. It's just a matter of offering this much value to your customer base. I also hired coaches who would point out my blind spots and where I would tell myself unhelpful stories and I joined groups of expenders, people who had made this amount of money and more and just made it seem completely doable like a walk in the park These are just a few examples, but there's also Podcast and books. Basically you want to completely, change the landscape in your mind from one that says I don't think that's possible to one that says oh yeah, it's a done deal. By the way, I do want to acknowledge how my privilege made all of this easier without going into details I mean, there were investments I was able to make because I don't have debt and I have a safety net that makes it just easier for my nervous system to take risks. So, you know, take what's helpful in this episode, but also be aware of this and have compassion for yourself if you're in a different situation. Okay, step 3, being open to receive. The first thing that comes to mind here is one of the ideas that led to making a big chunk of that $100,000 came to me when I was just lying on my bed being bored.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:29:26]:

I think boredom is underrated. It's so important, though, because it creates space for ideas to come to fly to your mind. Like, I I see them as as as butterflies. If you're always moving, always distracted, the there's no there's no nowhere for the butterfly to settle down. That's one example of the ways I was open to receiving. And another example that comes to mind is being open to feedback as to how I can improve. If ego gets in the way, then it's going to limit my growth. And I mean, we could go through the whole year 2021 and see all the ways I was open to receiving, but this is already a pretty long episode.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:30:15]:

So let's move to case study number 2, which is my favorite one. It's the story of how I believe I sort of quote unquote manifested my partner. Step 1: asking for what you want. I spent a lot of time picturing that person. And I spent a lot of time in my journal also writing about the kind of person I wanted to be with. One thing that I think is really important is all the reflection work I did after each relationship I was in. Especially the last one, which was 7 years long, I did a lot of thinking about why it didn't work and what I needed, what was most important to my core self in relationship. If you leave a relationship and you blame the other one for their flaws flaws and you don't do the work of sitting down with yourself to to get to know about what you need in order to thrive, then you're missing out on a on a great opportunity and then you're going to jump into the next one and probably make the same mistakes.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:31:24]:

I also made a list with the 12 traits I wanted to find in my partner and I told myself I just needed to have 75%, But he ended up having all of them, which is great. The list read: 1, deep conversations 2, adventurous 3, takes responsibility for their growth. 4, simplicity. 5, grounded presence. 6, kindness. 7, actively supports my endeavors. 8, funny. 9, does creative projects.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:31:57]:

10, is purpose driven and ambitious. 11 reliable and 12 good looking another list that I made that I wish I could read to you but I'll have to try and remember because it's, in a notebook in a box somewhere because we're renovating right now there's a bunch of things that are hard to access So it's my top 3 nonnegotiables and my top three preferences. I think my top 3 nonnegotiables were deep conversations Self basically the top 3 of the list I just read deep conversations I wanted them to be my adventure buddies so when it comes to hiking but also when it comes to sexual adventures because I am open, because I am non monogamous and and Nerds, someone who takes responsibility for their Growth. And my top three preferences were someone who can work remotely. Because I love to go on trips or to just work in cafes. Someone who's business minded that I can, you know, start business projects with. And what was the third one? I forget the third one. But all of this, I get in my current partner, which blows my mind.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:33:16]:

You have to be mindful, though, when you're making these lists to make sure that you're not like I was telling you at the start of the episode, you're not selecting a partner from a place of ego, from what you want your relationship to look like from the outside, from what you've seen in the movies or from what your parents expect, because then that's going to lead to a internal conflict. Because part of you is going to be motivated by ego and, when the other part of you is going to be pulling the other way towards what really matters to your core Self. I think that's where a lot of people get mixed up. So you really wanna ask Self, what is it that's important to me deep down? How do I want to feel in a relationship? What's going to light me up? There might be some healing that's necessary here before you write a truthful list. Because especially if you have attachment issues, then you might write your list from a place of fear, from a place of wanting to protect yourself instead of from a place of genuine desire and alignment with your values. There are a lot of dating coaches on the internet that would advise against having a list because they would say it narrows your vision too much and you might miss out on good opportunities. And there's definitely an element of truth there. I think you can make a list if you have a good level of self awareness and it's going to be helpful because of the same reason, because it narrows your focus and you know what you're looking for.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:35:02]:

And you're not wasting time with someone who would not be a match. I think it depends where you are in your growth. If you're in a place where you still need to figure out what you want and what works for you, then try a bunch of different things versus when you have developed the self awareness and you know what you're looking for, then having a list is going to come in handy but you know again, you're the expert of your own journey so you get to decide what's gonna work for you. Okay, step 2 is believing that you're worthy of getting what you asked for. There was a moment last year where a family member asked me what I was looking for in a partner. And they seemed to be asking with the implication that I had been in multiple relationships and like when are you gonna make up your mind? So I told them what I wanted and they kinda scuffed and said, you know the perfect person doesn't exist And before, it would have tapped into my insecurity. I guess it kinda did in that moment too, but not as much of, like, is am I being unrealistic? Am I asking for too much? Am I, you know, completely delusional because of the Hollywood movies I've watched my whole life in the past my answer would have been probably yeah yeah and so that would have led me to settle with people who maybe have half of what I want, because I think, well, otherwise, I'm just gonna wait for years years years, so it's it's that's better than nothing but it's no longer the case what I believe now is that the person I describe in my list not only exists but there's many of them they're obviously not the majority of the dating pool but they do exist for the simple reason that the character traits I describe in my list are the character traits I personally have or that I worked on developing. I'm far from perfect, and I don't expect my partner to be perfect either.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:37:25]:

That being said, I do have high standards for Self, and I chose to believe that there were going to be people out there with the similar kind of high standards that were going to be a good match for me. It's okay to wanna be with someone who prioritizes growth like you do, who's purpose driven like you are, who who enjoys depth in conversation like you do. It is possible. That's what I chose to believe and that belief proved to be true. You get to decide what you want to believe and be careful who you listen to because people will project their own beliefs onto you, and it won't necessarily serve you so before you listen to someone, look at their life Podcast yourself do they have what I want? And if they don't, maybe it's best to take what they're saying with a grain of Self. My brain always gets confused here between grain of salt and grain of sand. It's definitely Growth of salt here. Okay.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:38:39]:

Step 3 being open to receiving. In this specific case, in order to meet the partner I wanted I had to leave other partners in order to create the space in my life. So first, I had to leave a 7 year relationship as you know if you've been listening to the podcast that was probably the hardest decision in my life because it was a good relationship with a good person and I wanted to be a good person and good people don't hurt the feelings of other good people is what I was stuck in for a while. But eventually, my intuition won and I found the courage to leave. If you wanna hear more about that, about what went on in my mind and what helped me take the leap, go listen to the episode, The decision to break up. And there's also another one that I recorded more recently called Surviving Breakup, and that's my my thoughts 1 year later. By the way, quick update. I'm in good term with my ex partner and I learned that he's currently living the dream that he could not pursue when we were together because it was not in alignment with what I wanted.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:40:03]:

So he had kind of accepted that that was not going to happen for him. That was the compromise he was making in order to be with me, no matter the number of times I told him just just go for it, if that's important to you and we'll part ways. Now he gets to live the kind of life that he wanted. I'm so happy for him and in a way, I can see now that us breaking apart was a gift that led us both to a place where we're more aligned with our true Self. But at first, I had to be willing to be seen as the the quote unquote bad person. I had to be willing to upset others to rock the boat. That takes a lot of courage. But there's no way you're going to get what you really really want without facing a lot of your fears then, eventually, I started dating a bunch of people again I started exploring my sexuality And I met someone with whom it was a little bit more serious.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:41:12]:

We we were seeing each other for about 6 months. And this person had a lot of what I was looking for that I didn't have in my previous relationship but it didn't have everything that I wanted. To me, that was like a test from the universe to see if I really believed that what I wanted was out there or if I was going to settle for a little bit less once again. When I met the partner I'm with now, it was instantly like a full body yes. It just felt like home. It felt like we'd known each other for a long time already. But in order to meet this person, I had to create the space. I actually wanna share the story of how we met because I think it's quite funny and epic.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:42:03]:

It was on Hinge and we had a first date scheduled but the first date was scheduled like a month after I'd met the previous person and it was kind of getting serious So I told them, actually that the day before I said I'm gonna cancel our date because I'm seeing someone and it's getting serious. And so they were disappointed, but super respectful. And then about 2 months later, I broke it off with the person I was seeing and I got back to them and I said okay, I am back, I'm ready to go on a date and they were moving they were in the process of moving and changing jobs so they were really busy. They said to me, not right now but in about 3 weeks. And then 3 weeks later when they got back to me I said oh actually, you know what, I decided to give the other person a second chance And, so we you missed the boat once again. And then when I, you know, broke it off officially, after 6 months of seeing this person, I came back for a third time to my current partner and I said, okay, Nerds time's a charm are you still available? And they were like yes I am and you better not like cancel this time like it's happening in 3 days we're seeing each other in 3 days so it's really funny how the universe put this person on my path and I had a few chances to mess it up but I was smart enough to listen to my intuition and go back. Being open to receive in this scenario is also not telling Self, like, oh, he's gonna think I'm so weird, he's gonna think I have, like, weird patterns. Going back to him for a Nerds time.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:43:58]:

He's gonna find me annoying. It's putting all of that aside and just giving it a shot and not really caring what he was going to to think about me. Too often, we just make assumptions and don't challenge them. I've had so many clients tell me like oh my god I would never have asked for a 4 day work week if it was not from working with you I just assumed that my bosses were gonna say no or I would never have asked for that promotion I just assumed they were gonna think I was greedy or I was selfish or whatever but they said yes or I just never would've asked this person out I just assumed they didn't really like me I was not their type and turns out they were waiting for me to ask them out and they were thinking the same thing So many of our assumptions are not grounded in reality. They're just informed by our insecurities. And that's BS. That keeps you from so many life changing opportunities. Okay.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:45:04]:

Let's move to the 3rd case study which is actually a failed manifestation because we also want to see the ways in which it can go wrong. A few weeks ago, my partner and I went to a a special kind of evening where there was, let's say, the possibility for me, as a bi person, to flirt and kiss women, or I guess femmes. Femmes is the the queer term for someone who doesn't identify as a woman but appears more feminine. It's just funny this term is funny to me because in French, French is my first language, femme just means woman. So I just feel like I'm saying the same word twice. Anyway, we went to the special evening and my desire was clear. Step 1, ask for what you want. I wanted to flirt and make out with women.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:46:01]:

Step 2, believe that you're worthy of receiving. I was a bit shaky on that one. I was very self conscious of what I looked like and what people were going to think of me in that place. And that that definitely had an unconscious impact on how I showed up, on the energy that I was giving out. I was more in my head, I was less present and so probably we could probably see it in my body language. Self doubt just can emanate from you. And then step 3 is being open to receive. Again, because I was in my head, I was more focused on what I looked like and whether or not I was, like, attractive enough.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:46:52]:

I was not looking around, making eye contact, smiling, making conversation, being funny as I can be when I'm not thinking so much about how I'm being. And so the more time passed, the further and further I felt from my goal, frustration was just rising in me. And I mean, who wants to flirt with a cocktail of self doubt and frustration? People can sense these things. We're animal bodies. Just like a horse can tell when the rider is stressed out. Even if you think, oh, well, I I pretended that everything was fine. I didn't say anything wrong. I acted confident.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:47:35]:

We have, like, a we have sensors, and the energy that you emanate is going to influence who you attract. So you don't wanna change your behavior you wanna change how you feel on the inside and that's going to have that's going to change how you show up without you having to think about it. That's why when I talk with clients about important conversations or important meetings like a a job interview and they ask me, like, what should I say? How should I bring it up, the this thing that I wanna share with them? And most of the time, I don't think the words are important. What's important is decluttering your mind so that it's free as much as possible from judgment, from insecurity, and that you are grounded, that you are connected with your heart, with your core self, and that you speak you learn to speak from there. So instead of rehearsing like a a role in a play, you just get connected to who you really really are and trust that it's going to come out right if you speak heart to heart or soul to soul. A lot of the time you don't really need a script if you're coming from the right place. And when I say the right place, I mean from a place of authenticity and presence. And that is the state of being that I teach my clients how to get to.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:49:10]:

Life is so much easier to navigate from there. If you're interested in maybe working together, I'm doing free assessment calls. You just have to go to Self, and there's a big button to book a call there. And I was I was on one of these calls a few weeks ago, and the person told me, oh, I I hesitated for a long time, I've actually been following you for years, but I hesitated because I didn't want to waste your time if I was going to be a no. And I just wanna rectify that because if that's how she thought I'm sure many of you think the same way And that, again, is an assumption, like we were talking about. You're making an assumption that that would be a waste of time for me, but that is not true. I love meeting you guys I come out of these calls feeling energized because in this call my goal even if you haven't paid me yet, is to bring clarity to you and to bring you hope and to give you a sense of what you need to work on in order to create the life that you want. If you decide not to hire me, if you want to hire someone else or if you have a different approach in mind that's okay.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:50:29]:

That is great. I wish you the best and I trust your judgement. I trust that you're the only expert of your own journey. I don't know what's best for you. I'm just offering one way. If you choose another way, that's okay. I'm I'm here to Self, and I'm I'm not here to put any kind of pressure on you, and I don't pretend I know better than than you do. And the other thing that she said was she judged herself for asking for help because she knew what she needed to do in order to get unstuck.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:51:04]:

And yet she was not doing it. She she was telling me it's just I don't have the willingness. I know what I have to do. I don't have the willingness. But to me that's your ego sabotaging you. Because if you know what you're supposed to do and you're not doing it, it's not because you don't have enough willingness. It's because you have unconscious blocks that you're not seeing, that you need someone else to help you with. And asking for the right support is smart.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:51:35]:

It helps you save time and save money and save energy. You can fix your plumbing yourself by like watching YouTube videos. There's probably going to be a lot of swearing. I speak from personal experience or if you can afford it hire a plumber. Don't try to be tough like to be the person who can do it all on their own there there I don't think there's pride in that I think there's pride in saying, you know what? These are my weaknesses. This is where this is what I struggle with right now and so I'm going to find someone to help me. Someone for whom it's going to be easy. I was talking with a friend of mine yesterday, and she said she finally decided to hire an accountant.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:52:23]:

She had been forcing herself to do her her bookkeeping on her own as a as a freelancer. And it's like the thing that's furthest away from her zone of genius. And so it felt like a drudge every time and it drained her energy. So she thought, you know what? Instead, I'm gonna pay someone to do it. And with the energy that I'm gonna gain I'm gonna be able to take care of Self, do stuff that I love and also go and sign more clients and do what I'm actually good at and as a result make more money and that money is going to be it's going to give me the ability to keep paying that accountant. See how it's like an upward spiral. But in order to get there you've got to be willing to put your ego aside and say these are my weaknesses this is what I struggle with right now and I'm I'm humble enough to get the the help that I need and deserve. Okay.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:53:20]:

So if you want to book a free assessment call, it's Self. Nerds, for the journaling prompts to to see where you might be stuck in the 3 steps of manifestation, here we go. Step 1 Ask for what you want. Three questions that you can answer in your journal are as follows: Number 1: what are my complaints these days? And what's the deep desire hiding underneath each one of them? Number 2, if you were willing to be seen as a bad person, what would you want? What would you ask for? Number 3. What's something that your body knows you want but your mind has not admitted yet? For step 2, believe that you're worthy of getting what you want, you can reflect on these questions. Number 1, In what ways does your conditioning prevent you from going after what you want? It can be helpful here to just pick 1, 2 or 3 things from what you discovered in in the previous step. And to make this one more specific you can ask yourself what are the stories, what what are the the messaging I have integrated growing up that prevent me from going after what I want? Question number 2: what else could be true? Make a list of 10 reasons why it would actually be possible for you to get what you want. K? Ten reasons.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:55:13]:

And finally, step 3, being open to receive what you want, you can reflect on question number 1. In what way am I telling the universe that I might not be ready to receive? Number 2, what am I scared is going to happen if I create space to receive? And lastly, number 3, what are ways I can create space to receive in my life right now? Okay. That's a lot. I mean I'm sure you can fill like 10 pages of your journal with these questions. Reach out on Instagram at self Growth Nerds to let me know what you thought about this episode, or better yet, participate in the reviews contest. Don't forget to leave a review on the Apple Podcast app or a comment on Spotify, and you have a chance to win a free 1 on 1 coaching session with me. I can't wait. By the way, if you love journaling prompts, find me on Instagram because right now I have a free mid year reflection journal.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:56:25]:

If you're a big journaling fan, to to reflect on the last 6 months since we're already at the end of June. Okay. That's enough for today. That was the longest episode I've recorded in a long time. It took me 3 days. So I'm gonna talk to you again next week, and I'm sending you lots of love. Bye. Hey.

Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:56:52]:

If you love what you're hearing on the Self Growth Nerds podcast and you want individual help finding a new direction for your life and developing the courage to make your dreams a reality, you have to check out how we can work together on self Growth Nerds or message me on Instagram at self growth nerds. My clients say they would have needed that support years ago. So if you're tired of feeling like you're wasting your life, don't wait. Get in touch now and I cannot wait to meet you.

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Episode 177: From Quiet to Confident: How to Ask for What You Want

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Episode 175: Managing Your Inner Critic