Episode 194 - Best Hits - How to Be Calmer: 3 Strategies to Reduce Stress
Let's skip the usual advice on meditation and exercise – we're all familiar with those. Instead, I'm excited to reveal 3 overlooked approaches for finding inner peace in your daily life. It's time to break free from the chaos and discover a sense of calm amidst the hustle. Join me as we explore fresh perspectives that promise to transform your daily routine and leave you feeling more grounded and content. Say goodbye to frantic living and embrace a more balanced and peaceful existence today.
Topics
Honoring Personal Needs.
Time Management and Scheduling.
Self-Care as Luxury.
The importance of inner peace over external judgments.
Links
👉 Want to dig deeper into what you learned in the podcast? Go to selfgrowthnerds.com/school to work 1-on-1 with me! 👈
Book Recommendation
Transcript
[AUTO-GENERATED]
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:00:06]:
Welcome to the self growth nerds podcast. I'm your host Marie, a courage coach, creative soul, and adventure seeker. Since through hiking the Pacific Crest Trail in 2019, I'm on a mission to help you embrace your most confident self so you can achieve your dreams too. If you're eager for deep conversations, big questions, and meaningful connections, join me on the quest to discovering how we can create a more magical and memorable life. Hello, nerds. How are you? I'm doing so good. I told you a few episodes ago that I started a new job on a part time basis. So I work for a coaching firm here in Montreal, and I've been enjoying being surrounded by other smart, passionate people so much.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:01:05]:
I didn't expect the calm it would bring me to feel so supported and also the impact it would have on my creativity. It feels like, my creativity is flowing because there's less pressure. It's not all on me. It's on us. We're collaborating. We're having fun together. So I get a lot less in my head obsessing over details. This to me speaks to the importance of community on our mental health because no matter how many tools I have and how much inner work I do on a daily basis, it's still so much easier for me to be at peace now that I spend less time on my own.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:01:53]:
And of course the people you spend your time with are important. I prefer my own company to being with people I don't feel in alignment with. But the people that I work with now, we have a common mission, we have common values, they are authentic, they allow me to be my authentic self and so that makes all the difference. I used to be hyper independent. But in recent times, I've been leaning on interdependence and it has created so much calm in my life. Speaking of which, today's topic is how to be calmer. I'm bringing back an episode from a year and a half ago in which I introduce 3 strategies to reduce stress. I am not talking about meditating, exercising, spending less time on our phone, more time in nature, going to bed early, eating well, we know all of this is good for us, but I want to go a little deeper and explore ways of being instead.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:03:04]:
I talk about being better at honoring your needs and treating yourself like you're the asset because you are. If you're not functioning well, it has an impact on everything else. I also talk about becoming someone who does less and says no more often and about getting comfortable with white space in our schedule, becoming someone who's okay with empty space instead of filling every minute with stuff. The other day I arrived at my dentist appointment an hour and 15 minutes early, just because I'd gotten the time wrong. And at first I was annoyed with myself, but very briefly, because I realized that there was a, on the first floor, a cafe and I had my book. And so I just spent that hour reading my book in the cafe, and it felt like it was much more than an hour. I felt like I was on vacation, like reading a book on the beach because this empty space was a gift, an unexpected gift. And while this was completely not on purpose, I tried to purposely work moments like these into my days because it does reduce stress so much.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:04:26]:
By the way, the book I'm reading is a 4th wing. It's so good. If you enjoyed hunger games, it's the same kind of page turner. It's set in a school for dragon riders. I love it. Okay. My book recommendation is done. I've told you a little bit about today's episode.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:04:48]:
Now I will pass the mic to Marie from the past, and I hope you enjoy it. I'll talk to you all next week with a brand new episode. Bye. Today we are talking about how to be calmer or how to be less scattered and therefore calmer. And I'm not going to tell you to meditate or do exercise or scroll Instagram less or sleep well or drink more water, blah blah blah at worrying. We all know it's pretty obvious. Now I wanna look at this from a whole other perspective. So I'm gonna share, this this episode was inspired by something that happened to me in Florida.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:05:36]:
I got myself very much workshop, and it made me realize how much better I've been at this. Just like the stark contrast, experiencing those feelings of nervousness and this this organized ness made me realize it's been a long time since I used to feel this way so much more often. And so I wanna talk about this. I sat down and reflected on what are ways of thinking or ways of doing that I've changed over the last few years that have allowed me to be calmer more of the time. And I've come up with 3 main ones that I'm gonna discuss in today's episode. But first, I wanna tell you about that moment that happened. And I also want you to think of a moment recently where you were not calm. Where you work yourself up about something, and let's get curious together.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:06:39]:
Okay? So what happened for me is I decided a while back that I was gonna start into interviewing people that I look up to on this podcast. You met Rachel and Meg in the last few episodes, and one of the episodes that that's coming soon is with someone called NDJ Pizza. No. Pizza is not his real name, but it's his artist name. And NDJ Pizza is an illustrator that I've looked up to for a long time. When I was an illustrator, he was one of my main heroes. He has a podcast called Creative Pep Talk, and I've listened to hours and hours and hours of his podcast. And, yes, it's someone I feel a deep resonance with.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:07:27]:
And I decided, you know what? I'm gonna reach out to this person and ask if they want to, interview on my podcast. I was like, he's not gonna say yes. He's way too much of a big shot for this. And it just took a few minutes. He'd he'd replied to my email and he was like, yeah, let's do it. Booked it, and I was blown away. I was blown away. So I don't know if I've told you about that, but that's a lesson in itself.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:07:58]:
Like, sometimes you just have to do it even though you think you're gonna get rejected. Because when you're willing to hear a no, you are this much more likely to hear a yes, which is what happened with me and Andy. So he booked his time in my calendar. What basically, what I do is I send a link with lots of, availability in my calendar, and they he could decide when he wanted to do the interview. So he booked a time, and then I realized a few days later that he I'd I'd I had not managed my availability well and he had booked the same day that I was flying into Miami. So a few days, a few hours, sorry, after I got to Miami, I had this interview with Andy. So usually when I have an interview, I like to be in my office with my mic, with the door closed, so I can be fully focused on the person in front of me. But I was like, well, oh, shit.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:09:00]:
My mistake, so I'm just gonna own it, and I'm gonna figure it out. I'm gonna, find a way to make it work. I found a a co working space in Miami, a WeWork. I rented a room there for the recording. What happened, though, is I ended up, when I got to Miami, getting an Uber or a Lyft to the WeWork and forgetting my phone in the Lyft. So then I got to WeWork, and it took, like, a a whole hour to figure this out, get my phone back. And then so that made me stressed. And then I had a room for exactly the amount of time that the recording was gonna last.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:09:42]:
So, basically, let's say the recording with Andy finished at 2. The room I rented finished at 2 as well. And just before I was doing the interview, I was having issues with the WiFi, scrambling to make the WiFi work. It worked, like, but 2 minutes ahead of time. And then I did the interview. It was amazing. But, like, in the last 3, 4, 5 minutes before the my, rental period finished, there was this guy on the other side of the door looking at me waiting for me to finish, which meant I felt super self conscious and kind of finished in a rush, finished the interview in a rush. So when you listen to the interview you might notice, that I I cut I cut it abruptly at the end.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:10:30]:
And so I did that and then I felt super annoyed with myself because that's I love being present. It's really important for me to listen listen deeply and not to not to be scattered, not to not to rush someone else. And so after that, I was just the whole series of event ended up with me feeling super frustrated and flustered. And so I sat with my journal and I was like, okay, let's walk back the cat. That's an expression I learned from Martha Beck in her book, The Way of Integrity. Basically, the question I asked myself is, what happened? What led me here? Can I want you to ask yourself the same question about the moment that you chose to, to investigate? The question that I ask myself is, when did I ignore my little voice? Where did I stray from my truth? Let's walk back the path. Okay. So the first time I didn't listen to my little voice is when I saw that Andy had scheduled the interview to be, the day I was arriving in Miami.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:11:42]:
If it had been anyone else, I would have asked them to reschedule. But part of me was, like, putting him on a pedestal and feeling like, oh, he's this important person that I look up to. He probably has a very busy schedule, so I cannot ask him to reschedule. I would have done it with anyone else. Not anyone else but like people that I consider as equals, I would have asked them to reschedule. But for some reason I just put him on a pedestal. Even though we are equals, right? We are. I believe that but a part of me felt like I was less than and so it was not acceptable to ask for this.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:12:24]:
So that's the first, like, in this in this series of event. That's the first place where I just strayed from my truth. Then I I started telling myself, I got this. I can do this. I can do this. I can figure this out. I can figure this out. And it's okay.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:12:41]:
Sometimes we we tell ourselves, okay. Yes. I can. I know I can. And it's okay to say, I know I can, but I don't want to. It's important for me when I interview someone that I, can give them my full focus and attention, and that's just easier for me when I'm in my office with my Internet, with my mic, with the door closed. So I know I can figure it out, do it somewhere else, but I don't want to. Sometimes we try to pep ourselves up.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:13:14]:
I can do this. And yes, it's true. We're so strong, but it it's also okay to surrender and to be, like, I can, but I don't want to. So that's the second thing. And then the third thing is I booked the room at the WeWork was, like, just $10 an hour. And I was like, okay. I just need it for an hour, so I'm just gonna rent it for an hour. Just take what you need, not anything more.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:13:40]:
That that was a decision that I made from a place of scarcity. Like, it would have been so helpful to give myself space, like, to book 1 hour ahead of time and then 1 hour after or half an hour after to make sure that there is no rush, to make sure that I have plenty. And then the last time where I strayed from my where I didn't listen to my low voice is about a a few minutes before we finished the interview, a few minutes before my rental period was over. I could have concluded the conversation. I had plenty of time to conclude the conversation, but there was one more question that I wanted to ask him. And the part of me I had, like, this little fight in my brain. Part of me was saying, just end it here. And another part of me was like, no.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:14:31]:
We really wanna ask him this question. And it was a big question, big important question that you can't really answer in 3 minutes. But a part of me was, again, scarcity mindset. No. I wanna ask him everything. Instead of trusting, you know what? The conversation that we've had is good enough. I don't need more. It's okay.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:14:51]:
No. So I listened to the part of me that was like, more, more, more. Let's ask him one more. See the difference in the energy instead of being grounded and calm. It's like, no, we need more. So that these are the places where when I walk back the cat and get curious where I just didn't listen to my gut, where I didn't listen to my little voice. So get curious about you and about that moment that you've chosen to analyze. When did you ignore your low voice? And if you wanna pause this podcast and do that in your journal, please feel free to do so.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:15:27]:
Now we're gonna jump into, the part of the episode where I share 3 ways to feel calmer and be less scattered. So number 1 number 1 is to honor your needs as if you were a very important person, because you are. To trust that little voice. I'm gonna give you lots of examples. Recently, well, like a few months ago, a friend of my partner who works, in environment environment, she asked me if I wanted to be part of a environmentally focused book club. And my first gut instinct was no. I'm not that interested. There's different sorts of books that I prefer to read.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:16:20]:
That that's what my little voice said. But then another one came up that said, oh, no. But, Marie, you should really go. Like, you should get out of your comfort zone, and it's really important to know about these things, and you should be more knowledgeable about these things. It was like the the people pleasing voice. And you know when there's a should that it's a red flag. You should join the book club. That was the red flag that I completely ignored and I just said yes when deep down I just knew.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:16:50]:
And that meant that as the time went by, I just felt, more and more resistance and ended up telling them that I was getting out of the book club. Instead of just trusting that little voice the first time it spoke to me. So think back to moments where your little voice had warned you. Don't get into this relationship. Don't say yes. Don't say yes to hanging out with that friend. You know you're not going to want to. Or don't say yes to, a concert on a Wednesday evening.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:17:26]:
You know you're not gonna have the energy. And you just you just oh, no. I'm gonna be fine. I got this. I got this. Like, it's I I wanna be a good friend. Like, we haven't seen each other in a while, so I should say yes. You're like, think about all the little times in the even in the last month where your little voice spoke to you and you just ignored it.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:17:48]:
Instead of being true to yourself, you tried being true to what's expected of you, or not being true to what's expected of you. That's not the right word. You chose to comply. Instead of being true to yourself, you chose to comply to external expectations or your perception of what others might be expecting of you. Honoring your needs honoring your needs also means being more of a diva. And what I mean by that is, like, think about rock stars. Think about, like, I love watching documentaries like the Taylor Swift documentary, the pink documentary, see what their life is like. And some people say, oh, these these rock stars are divas.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:18:37]:
But what's what I see happening is they have to take really fucking good care of themselves because they are the product. They are the product. So if they're not feeling good, it all goes to shit. So they have to take care of themselves with the utmost importance. And we don't tend to allow ourselves to do that because we've well, for many reasons, but one of them is, especially as women, we've been conditioned. Well, men too. We've been conditioned as women to put everyone else's needs first, and men have been conditioned to be strong and provide for the family instead of asking themselves, like, what do I need right now? Instead of asking ourselves, like, what do I need to be to fill my reservoir so that I can be present for the people that I love. One example of this is Ollie and I like to go climbing sometimes, and I realized so he likes to go climbing after work, and I get hungry.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:19:42]:
I get hungry and sometimes my partner is like, he could not eat for 2 days and he would be fine. But for me, it affects my mood and my energy so much more. So he would wanna go climbing after work and then have dinner around 8 pm for example. That just doesn't work for me. My belly hurts, I get dizzy, I get, grumpy, and so I decided, you know what, I need to eat before I climb. That's it. That's honoring my needs. And there was this one time where we didn't have food in the fridge.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:20:19]:
We were trying to, to find somewhere where I could get food before going to the climbing gym, and that place was closed. And I could see my partner being like, can you just can you just eat after? Like, that would be so much more simple. And I had to decide in that moment, am I gonna be am I gonna people please and make his life easier and just say, okay, yeah, let let's go. Let's just go climb. Or am I gonna honor my needs even though it might be annoying for the other person? And I decided no, honoring my need is what's most important. I need to eat. I need to eat right now. And so if you wanna go to the climbing gym, you go for it, and I'm gonna meet you there.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:21:04]:
But this is my priority. And it takes seeing yourself as a rock star. It takes seeing yourself as a very important person. Because you are. You have to get on board with that. Otherwise, you're always gonna get scattered because you will put yourself last. And the one last example that I have is a few years ago, I think it was like 3 years ago, I said, I want a Swiffer. I want like an super easy way to clean the floor.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:21:37]:
And I think Ollie was going to, the hardware store, and he brought back this kind of, like, a mop. He said, like, it was gonna be more sustainable, because, you know, with Swiffer, there's, like, sheets that you throw in the trash after. And I was like, great. Yeah. It's more sustainable, and I know I'm never gonna do it. I just know that if I'm gonna clean the floor, it has to be the easiest thing. So I didn't do it. I didn't use the thingy bot for, like, 3 years.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:22:07]:
And recently, I just I just decided, I want a fucking Swiffer. I don't care. Like, I know it's not the best for the environment, but I want clean floors. And so I went to the hardware store and got myself a Swiffer and had a great time washing my floors. And, yes, I'm gonna make cons conscientious decisions for the environment when I can, but then there are also moments where I'm going to decide to prioritize my well-being. It's gonna be a balance. There's a question I like to ask myself sometimes and it's, what would Oprah do in this situation? So the Swiffer might not be the best example because she probably has people cleaning her home for her. But, like, when it comes to the interview, the podcast interview, she'd been like, well, I'm Oprah.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:23:01]:
Let's just reschedule. She would have got, like, one of her assistants to, ask the the person to reschedule. I think we have to be difficult to be disagreeable, or what we think is being difficult, what we think is being disagreeable. And not from a place of stubborn ego, but from a place of deep love for ourselves. This might be annoying for some people because, like I've told you before, people pleasing is called people pleasing for a reason. It pleases others when you bend yourself in all kinds of positions for them. So when you decide to respect your needs, 1st and foremost, of course, some people are the are their their feathers are gonna be ruffled. Let it be.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:23:51]:
Let it be this way so that you can fill your reservoir, feel better for yourself, but also feel better so that you can be more present for others. K? So what would Oprah do in this situation? Replace Oprah with whoever you want. With the book club example, Oprah would have been like, yeah, no. Ain't ain't got no time for this. Thank you for the invitation. Goodbye. Okay. So that was number 1.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:24:18]:
Honoring your needs as if you were a very important person, because you are. Now number 2, do less. Say no more often. I start I I used to have like one activity every evening of the week and do a bunch of things on the weekends. And now I've decided it's only one activity per weekend day. Only one. The rest of the day is for reading on the sofa, taking baths, going to the grocery store, cleaning my house with my Swiffer. And on weekday evenings, it's every other one is open.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:24:59]:
So basically, if I do something on Wednesday night, I wanna have Thursday night open, I wanna have Thursday night to relax. Okay? Every other weekday evening is for me. And it might be different if you have kids, but I know, some of our friends who have kids, they, do this thing where one parent is responsible for the kids every other day. So let's say it's my day off and I'm not responsible for the the kids tonight. I can stay home if I want. I can read in the bath, but it's up to my partner to to be the main resource for them. And I know on the days that I'm off that I can plan something with my friends. I don't have to ask permission or anything.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:25:48]:
That's how that's how they make it work. So that's one thing. And then another thing is no meetings for me on Mondays Fridays, and no meetings before 12. And again, like, part of me when I started considering this was like, well, Marie, you're being difficult, like, you're being a brat, you're being a princess. I just love to have Mondays and Fridays to me and have no rush in the mornings. If that's being a princess, then so be it. I am 1. But I think it sucks that there's a a negative connotation to choosing to put our put ourselves first, and we need to rewrite that narrative.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:26:32]:
Yes. I am very privileged to be able to make those decisions, But I wanna work for I wanna fight for a world in in which more people have access to these kinds of decisions. And if you have a full time job, it might be more challenging to make these kinds of decisions. Right? You might not be able to, have a say on when your meetings are. But you can get curious as to how you can make your way in that direction. How you can get closer to honoring your needs. You you might be able to ask yourself the question, what's what's removable? What could I say no to? What could I what kind of commitments could I get out of? Just, like, instead of being super resistant, if you find yourself being like, well, that's easy for you to say, Marie, have an open mind. Like, ask yourself, maybe, like, what could work? Instead of making assumptions.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:27:33]:
I had a a podcast listener message me on Instagram and saying, oh my god, Marie. I went to see my boss, and I asked them for a 3 month off. And they said, yes. I never thought it would be possible, but they said yes. So you never know. Don't assume what's possible and what's not. Keep try to keep an open mind. Another, thing that I suggest doing is choosing which friends to dedicate more time to.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:28:09]:
So I I do this exercise every now and then, where I take a sheet of my journal and I split it into 3. And let's say at the top is me. I write me in a little circle and then in the first part of the page, the first tier, I write down the names of the people I wanna dedicate more time to in this season of my life. And then in the second tier, it's kind of like I see it as I'm the planet and then who do I want in my orbit? Who do I want in my close orbit? Who do I want in the 2nd tier? And who is in the 3rd tier? Where I I love them but they're just not people that I will focus on in this season. So in the first tier are people that they're they're my most important folks That, like, I wanna babysit their kids. I want to, invite them over for dinner. I wanna be there for them when they're going through something hard. In the second tier is people, that I like to see and make time for but more like, once a month or once every 2 months, like go for coffee, like peers, friends that I enjoy spending time with, but they don't get a seat at the main table of my life in this season.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:29:36]:
And then like I said, in the 3rd tier is like, we'll see each other if we do but it's also not a big deal if we don't. I might see them maybe twice a year. And love seeing them but again, if they wanna hang out every week, it's gonna be a no. So that's been a really important exercise in my life in the last few years, and, like, it's helped me focus. Okay. These are the friends in the 1st year. These are the kids that I'm willing to babysit. And the others, love them, but no.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:30:08]:
Like, my focus is on these ones. And again, it's about removing the shoulds. Oh, I should because we've been friends for so long. I should be there to babysit their kids, or I should say yes when they invite me over. I should go to their wedding in another state because, you know, we're friends since high school. You can keep believing this if you want. You can comply to the shoulds, but at what cost? You have to be honest with yourself. Oh, I should say yes because it's gonna hurt their feelings.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:30:44]:
Well, you know what? I'm willing to risk hurting someone else's feelings in order to feel calm, to feel more at peace. And it's up to you if you are or if you're not. If you have children, I don't, so I cannot speak for you, but I wanna suggest questioning the standards. Sounds like there's a lot more standards than there were when I was a kid. Maybe you don't need to write little invitations for the birthday parties. Maybe you don't need to create little gift bags for everyone for your kid's birthday party. Unless it brings you joy, you've gotta get curious. Oh, does this bring me joy, or am I doing it from a place of should? Am I doing it from a place of, well, I have to comply because all the other parents are doing it? Just get curious and give yourself permission to say fuck that.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:31:41]:
To say, you know what? In this house, we when when there's a birthday party, we don't do givebacks. And so what if we get judged? I'd rather have my Saturday to me to read my book than do, like, create little gift bags that I don't care about. I'd rather be at peace and be judged than stress myself out, do something I don't wanna do to try and micromanage what someone else, what other parents might think of me. Let them be wrong about you. Let's say there's a parent out there that thinks, oh, she she, she doesn't care. She doesn't make an effort. Is that true? Like, you know who you are. You are the number one person who knows yourself best.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:32:33]:
And so, you've got to remember that. People let other people be wrong about you for your inner peace. And one book, I recommend when it comes to doing less and knowing what to say no to is the subtle art of not giving a fuck by Mark Manson. It helps you figure out, okay, what is it that I value? What is it that bring me joy? And what can I remove? What can I start saying no to? What have what have I been pretending to care about that really, I just I just don't. I just don't care about deeply. I'm just pretending. What if I was true to myself? What if I only focused on what brought me joy and what truly lights me up and what's really important to me? And let all the rest go, no matter what people make it mean about me. Okay.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:33:24]:
So that was number 2. Do less, say no more often. Number 3. Inject space in your schedule. Get there early. Finish on time. Gonna give you lots of examples. So getting there early.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:33:37]:
I tend to if I'm going somewhere and Google Maps tell me it's gonna take 30 minutes, I tend to leave 30 minutes ahead of time. And you know what? Very often, shit hits the fan. I was going to a spinning class the other day, and it takes 20 minute it's a 20 minute walk to get there, and I left 20 minutes ahead of time. And there was construction work on the street, so, police the police was managing the traffic lights, and it took forever to be able to cross the street. And I was so annoyed with them, with how long it took to cross the streets. But that's what we do sometimes. We blame the circumstances or we blame others instead of taking full responsibility. Instead of saying, you know what? I should have left early.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:34:32]:
And then that would have would not have been a problem. When we were leaving Florida, we got to the airport in Miami 4 hours early. It said to be there 3 hours early, but my my, my parents were giving us a ride, and they really wanted to make sure that we were not gonna get stuck stuck in Miami traffic. So we ended up getting there 4 hours early, and it was so luxurious. Felt so good. They changed our gates 2 times, and that wasn't a problem because we had plenty of time. I ended up finding a cafe and reading books at the cafe. Oh, like, almost forgot that I was at the airport.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:35:12]:
Felt so chill. Like, why not? We wanna be so efficient. Why not just get there early, just carry a book with you, and add space in your schedule? So, again, that's something that I tend to do that I'm getting much better at where when I create my calendar, I always create my calendar ahead of time, I put things in there, one thing after the other, and sometimes forget to think about transport. It's like I think I'm gonna teleport between, like, writing an email and being in the spinning gym. We we need to think about transport. We need to think about breaks. We need to remember that we're not machines, that we're human, that we need time to breathe, that we need transition time between tasks. We try to be so efficient and use up every minute, like, every drop of the lemon, but that's just exhausting.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:36:11]:
So for me, I've learned that I have to look at my schedule and be like, damn, there's a lot of empty space, and almost feel uncomfortable about it. Like, it almost feels dangerous. We've learned, like, we've been conditioned that it's not safe. Empty space is not safe. But you know what? We've got to unlearn that. Because to me, I believe it's a rhythm that's so much more humane. Otherwise, we we just are fueled by adrenaline, and our nervous system is always jacked up and go go go go go instead of being able to breathe and move through life in a way that's sustainable and finish on time. So choose how long a task will take you instead of leaving it up to chance and practice building integrity with yourself by respecting the time block that you have chosen.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:37:07]:
So you know what they say like if if you decide it's gonna take 3 weeks to do something, it's gonna take 3 weeks. And if you decide it's gonna take 3 hours, it's gonna take 3 hours. So I love to again plan my week ahead of time and decide, okay, how long is it gonna take me to record this podcast? Let's say 2 hours. Okay. I'm gonna put 2 hours in my schedule and then practice respecting that. Same thing with coaching sessions. Respecting the length of the coaching session instead of bleeding over. Because when I organize my schedule, I do so with my prefrontal cortex in a very intentional way.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:37:47]:
Like, let's say, I'm going to leave 15 minutes between each coaching session, the this 15 minutes is designed for me to be able to stand up, walk away from my office, drink some water, have a snack, and so if I bleed over in that free time, I am compromising that time for me and it's going to add up if I if I don't let my nervous system settle down and and calm down between sessions. If let's say I decide recording my podcast is gonna take 2 hours and I end up spending 3, maybe I'm gonna skip lunch or I'm gonna skip the walk that I had decided to take. And again, that is going to add up and I might feel more exhausted, more scattered at the end of the day because I had planned my day in a way that felt sustainable, that felt honoring of my needs, and I've just sacrificed that. And often when I do, when I go over time, is when I cross the line into perfectionism or people pleasing. And that damages my peace, that drains my energy. Maybe if I do it once or twice that's fine, but if it becomes a habit that's when I see my energy depleting and it's probably very similar for you. So you want to notice the thought in your mind that leads you to go over. Very often, we make our schedule with our prefrontal cortex, like I was saying, in an intentional way.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:39:24]:
And then in the moment, it's not the same part of our brain that's driving the show. It's the more primal, primitive brain that's like, I want this person to like me. I want them to feel like they've had enough, or I want this podcast to be really good. Like, I need to rerecord this part because it's not clear enough because I want my, my listeners to to to get the most out of this. See, the energy is very different. It's less grounded. It's more heightened. It's from a survival place.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:39:55]:
You wanna practice being aware of when you cross the line when you start acting from a place of survival, from a place of scarcity, from a place of wanting things to be good enough, wanting you to be liked. Okay? Because that's often when you start depleting your energy. Go back to the earlier question. What would you do if you were a very important person? Because you are. Think about Barack Obama. I bet when he has an appointment, he finishes on time, and he's not staying longer for people to have positive thoughts about him. He's like, this is what I do. This is who I am.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:40:37]:
Moving on. Got a whole day ahead of me. Not trying to people plead because he knows who he is. Same thing with you. You've gotta know who you are, and you've got to trust that you are enough and that you don't need to overcompensate. Sometimes I think, oh, but I have an hour of nothing after this. Like, I can stay on the call, or I can keep making this podcast better. It's fine.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:41:05]:
No. We need space, spaciousness. We need nothing that nothingness. We need time to chill for our nervous system to calm down. Otherwise, if we bleed into our empty empty, time, we just get all jacked up and end the day feeling super empty. You know it. You know it. You've experienced it.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:41:30]:
I'm sure. So protect your peace as this, hiker person on Instagram says. Protect your peace by finishing on time. And if you finish earlier, oh my god, what luxury. Sometimes if I decide it's gonna take me 2 hours to record a podcast, it takes me 1 hour, I'm like oh wow, I'm amazing. I'm the boss. Instead of being like, okay. Well, I'm gonna answer emails and all the tasks that I had planned doing tomorrow, I'm gonna do them now while I have time.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:42:01]:
Well, you can do that. But why not just chill? Why not just enjoy how badass you are and, you know, give yourself some time in the sun? I don't know. It's okay. We gotta practice feeling safe with spaciousness. Feeling safe putting ourselves first. Like, sometimes I ask my clients, what would feel luxurious for you? What would it look like to take care of yourself in a luxurious way? And what did what they tell me what they tell me very often is pretty basic. Oh, like waking up with no alarm one morning. That's totally doable.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:42:48]:
Right? It's not like going to a 5 star hotel in Paris tomorrow. So ask yourself this question. What would what would be luxurious? And you'd you'll be surprised how simple and achievable those things can be sometimes. And not for everyone, again, I I I am aware that many of us are very privileged, that I am in a privileged situation, but see pockets, how you can create pockets of luxurious self care for yourself. It might just be going to sit by the river for 20 minutes. That might be what you need. Okay. So let's summarize.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:43:28]:
3 ways to feel calmer, feel less, scatter. Number 1 is honoring your needs as if you were a very important person because you are. Number 2, do less, say no more often. Ask yourself what can be removed. What is it that you wanna focus on that you care deeply about, and how can you let go of the rest? Yes. It's gonna require people feeling uncomfortable, and that's the price to pay for inner peace. And number 3, inject space in your schedule. Get there early, finish on time.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:44:02]:
Okay? I've given you a lot to reflect on this week. I hope this was useful for you. I I would love it if you messaged me on Instagram at self growth nerds, your number one takeaway. The the one nugget that you want to leave with, that you want to apply in your life. And it's gonna be super useful to actually decide what in this episode where I gave you lots of tips. What's the one that you wanna take action on? Come find me and tell me. And just telling me is gonna make it this much more real. It's gonna make your commitment to this change you wanna make that much more real.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:44:41]:
So self growth nerds on Instagram, come find me. I want to hear about what you've taken away from this episode, and I wish you a beautiful, calming, peaceful week. Do your best. Bye. Hey. If you love what you're hearing on the South Girl Nerds podcast and you want individual help finding a new direction for your life and developing the courage to make your dreams a reality, you have to check out how we can work together on selfgrowthnerds.com or message me on Instagram at selfgrowthnerds. My clients say they would have needed that support years ago. So if you're tired of feeling like you're wasting your life, don't wait.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:45:27]:
Get in touch now and I cannot wait to meet you.