Episode 123 - The Importance of Negative Thinking
Positive thinking can be a strength, but it can also make us feel worse and like we’re lying to ourselves and repressing our truth. In this episode, I show you how putting on a brave face is not always the best gift you can give yourself and your loved ones.
Topics
How accepting negative thoughts can be liberating.
Being truthful instead of falsely optimistic.
Trying thoughts like clothing, see what feels relieving.
Self-accepting VS self-pity or self-loathing.
Seeking help when needed.
Links
Book a free discovery call with Marie, to explore how you can work together to reach your goals.
Resources
Book:
The Way of Integrity by Martha N. Beck
Movie:
Transcript
[AUTO-GENERATED]
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:00:04]:
Hey, welcome to the self-growth nerds podcast. I'm your host, Marie, a courage coach, creative soul and adventure seeker. Since through hiking the Pacific Crest Trail in 2019, I'm on a mission to help you embrace your most confident self so you can achieve your dreams too. If you're eager for deep conversations, big questions, and meaningful connections, join me on the quest to discovering how we can create a more magical and memorable life. Hello, Nerds. How are you? I'm really good, although for the concept of this episode, I should say I am bad, because today we are talking about the importance of negative thinking and how liberating it can be. So you're probably like me, trying to be optimistic and see the bright side all the time. But by trying to force positive thinking onto our minds, we are sometimes lying to ourselves and repressing our truth.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:01:14]:
Now, this idea comes from Martha Beck in her book The Way of Integrity. So she says that sometimes you just have to tell the truth about how lost you are instead of putting on a brave face and not in a whiny way, just in a neutral, observant way. Notice the difference between I don't know what I'm doing right now versus I don't know what I'm doing right now. Same sentence, but the energy behind it is different. We're going for option two. Now, what I'm going to do is give you seven different examples of situations where you can make that sort of reflame from trying to be positive to actually using negative thinking to free yourself up and to be in integrity. You'll see there's a lot of relief there. So example number one, let's say you're unhappy in your relationship.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:02:21]:
That was me, right? I had a lot to be happy about, and I was happy a lot of the time. So I try to tell myself, I have so much to be grateful here. This is a really good person. I have so much to be grateful here. But that didn't make any of the dissatisfaction go away because the deeper truth was, this is never going to be what I want. Try it on. Try it on like a piece of clothing in your own relationship. Think about your relationship and then tell yourself, this is never going to be what I want, and see how it feels in your body.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:03:04]:
You know, a thought is true when your body relaxes a little bit when it hears. It like your body sinks in a sofa or something. So pay attention. You might be like, oh, no, this doesn't resonate at all. That's fine. Just try it on like a piece of clothing. Example number two. Let's say you've been feeling super anxious because you're starting a new project that's going to require a lot from you.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:03:34]:
You might try to be positive and be like, everything's going to work out. Everything's going to work out. Now, notice how that's basically your ego lying to remain in control, to get a sense of superficial control on the situation. That's what our friends tell us. Like, oh, just be positive. Everything's going to work out. But notice the difference if you instead say, I am afraid this is not going to work out, and I'll be really sad and just be with that thought without trying to fix the situation. It's okay to be afraid.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:04:14]:
It's okay to be sad. If you end up feeling sad. And not everyone feels comfortable hearing things like this. Many people want to fix negative emotions, but I want to encourage you, at least with yourself, to be like, yeah, I'm afraid it won't work and I'm going to be sad, and that's okay. That's truthful. More truthful than everything's going to work out. And truth is a gift that you give yourself. Example number three.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:04:48]:
Let's say that project didn't go as planned. It failed, or by fail, I mean it didn't go as well as you had expected. Instead of telling yourself, at least I tried my best, like many, many people might tell you, be honest. Allow yourself to say, I'm disappointed because I tried my best, or I'm disappointed because I had higher expectations. And notice when you go towards thoughts like this, it might be easier to breathe. You might feel seen, you might feel held. And again, don't expect others to validate those quote unquote negative thoughts, but at least validate them for yourself and it might help you be a better friend. Example number four you're feeling bored with your friends that are doing small talk, or they're just talking about the same thing that they always talk about.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:05:59]:
Instead of trying to pep yourself up and be like, they are good people. I should be happy. What's wrong with me? They're good people. You can tell yourself the truth, which might be, these are not my people. I want to find my people. And part of you might go, oh, but it's rude. Don't be rude. But what if it's true? Example number five feeling depressed.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:06:28]:
You're going through a difficult time. Instead of telling yourself, this is going to pass and make me a stronger person, unless this helps you feel better, then please be my guest and use this thought. But if it's not a thought that you actually believe, then try going with something like, I am completely lost and I don't know how I got here, and see how that feels. Again, like I was telling you, you know, a thought is true when it brings, like, a sense of relief. Like, yes, finally, I am speaking the truth. Now, this is quote unquote negative thinking in a matter of fact, self accepting way. But be careful because I'm not giving you permission to go to self pity or self loathing. Okay? The thought is, I am completely lost and I don't know how I got here.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:07:28]:
Not things like, I'm a worthless piece of shit or I should never have done that. No, I won't allow that flavor of negative thinking. Not allowed. No blaming, just stating. Okay, two more examples. Let's say you had a promotion at work, and it's still feeling wrong. You're not satisfied, or something else that you got that you were supposed to be about and you're actually not. You're still feeling empty or like something is missing.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:08:06]:
Instead of trying to convince yourself like, this is a good thing. Come on, this is a good thing. You can say simply, I don't feel good. This reminds me of a scene in a movie I watched recently, girl I told you about it the Belgium movie about the trans teenage girl. She's sitting at the kitchen table with her dad, and she's crying because the process is going more slowly that she wants it to be. She wants to have hips. She wants to have breasts, and they're not there yet. Shows she's feeling discouraged.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:08:46]:
And her dad is like, everything that's happening to you is good. This is a good thing. It is going well. And we can see his intention, his intentions are pure. But it seems like all she needs is validation that this is hard, that she doesn't feel good in the moment. So you can do that for yourself when people around you are not. And lastly, if your life isn't where you want it to be, instead of telling yourself, I can figure this out on my own, I can suck it up, and I'm going to read books, and I'm going to listen to podcasts, I can figure this out, which is true. You can.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:09:31]:
But you can also choose to think, I need help right now. And if you find relief in that thought, if that thought feels like coming home to truth, lean into it. And I want to encourage you to book a call, to book a free call with me, because maybe I am the person to help you, maybe I'm not. But you will never know unless you book that call and have that conversation with me. And I'm not going to convince you into anything. We're just going to have a casual chat, you and I, about what's going on, how I think it can help. And then you get to decide. But don't let your ego try to convince you that if you were really strong, you would figure it out on your own.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:10:26]:
This is not what life is about. You deserve to get the help you need. And sometimes just being able to say, I need help is healing in itself. So I recommend it. I recommend acknowledging when you're in a season of your life where you actually need a guide to support you, there's nothing wrong in that. There's nothing shameful in that. We all go through those seasons, all of us, okay? And what's going to have a massive impact on how you pull through and who you become is your relationship with yourself while you're going through the struggle? Are you going to make it harder on yourself by forcing yourself to push and do big miles on a hike? Or are you going to be like, you know what, honey? You deserve some rest, and it's going to be easier tomorrow. So to book that call is selfgrowthnerds.com coaching.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:11:30]:
And that is it for this week. I hope this was helpful for you. Please reach out to me on Instagram self-growth Nerds to give me feedback. I love to hear from you, love to hear your insights, and we can have a chat. I'm a real human being on the other side of this. Okay? Have a beautiful rest of your week. Bye bye.
Hey, if you love what you're hearing on the Self Growth Nerds podcast and you want individual help finding a new direction for your life and developing the courage to make your dreams a reality, you have to check out how we can work together on selfgrowthnerds.com or message me on Instagram at self-growth nerds.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:12:15]:
My clients say they would have needed that support years ago. So if you're tired of feeling like you're wasting your life, don't wait. Get in touch now. And I cannot wait to meet you.