Episode 161 -Surviving Separation: One Year Post-Breakup
Getting a divorce or walking away from a relationship is one of the hardest things we humans do. One year after breaking up, I’m here to share what I needed to hear in the anxious time leading up to my separation and during the painful aftermath. If you’re considering leaving a long-term partner but can’t take the leap or if you have broken up and feel hopeless, join me as I share insights and advice to navigate this challenging transition.
Topics
personal experience with breakup and reflection one year later.
Phases and emotions experienced after the breakup.
Healing process and non-linear nature of recovery.
Exploration of new experiences and relationships.
Realization of personal growth and the positive impact of the breakup.
Embracing a new and fulfilling relationship.
Encouragement for those considering a breakup.
Emphasis on the importance of self-love and self-care.
Links
👉If you want to live your most courageous life, Book a FREE Discovery Call here!👈
Resources:
🤓 Self-Growth Nerds Podcast Episode 115 - Deconstructing the Decision to Break Up
🤓 Self-Growth Nerds Podcast Episode 124 - 10 Stages of a Breakup - Part 1
🤓 Self-Growth Nerds Podcast Episode 125 - 10 Stages of a Breakup - Part 2
Credits:
Sound Effect from Pixabay
Transcript
[AUTO-GENERATED]
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:00:06]:
Welcome to the Self Growth nerds podcast. I'm your host Marie, a courage coach, creative soul and adventure seeker. Since thru hiking the Pacific Crest Trail in 2019, I'm on a mission to help you embrace your most confident self so you can achieve your dreams too. If you're eager for deep conversations, big questions, and meaningful connections, join me on the quest to discovering how we can create a more magical and memorable life. Hello, nerds. How are you? I'm really good. Today, I want to talk about breaking up. As many of you know, I left a 7 year relationship almost a year ago now, and I wanted to do kind of like a wrap up of my thoughts about this decision 1 year later.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:01:00]:
Now when I sat down to write this episode, it flowed out of me with very little thought. It felt like a almost like a download from the universe, like it was not me doing the typing. My goal in this episode is to share what I needed to hear in the last year of my relationship and the year following the breakup. This is for those of you who have been considering a separation but cannot quite take the leap, or those of you who recently left and feel lost at sea. If you need more support after this episode, I have 3 other episodes on the topic of breakups. It's episode 115 called the decision to break up, and episode 124 and 125, the 10 stages of a breakup part 1 and part 2. These are gonna be in the show notes. So if if you want a link straight to them, just go to selfgurtnerds.com/podcast.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:01:59]:
Okay. Here's what I would want to tell my past self. It's okay to love someone and still want to leave. It's okay to leave a good person. It doesn't make you a bad one. It's okay to leave even though you think you could still work on the relationship, even though you think you could find ways to be happy here. It's okay to leave simply because you're tired of doing the work. It's okay to want to be with someone who asks you lots of questions and wants to get to know all of you.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:02:33]:
You're not asking for too much. It's okay to wanna be with someone who sticks around when you cry. You don't have to do it alone. It's okay to wanna be with someone you admire just as much as your best friends. Trust me that is possible. You're not delusional. Or maybe you kind of are, but if that's being delusional then delusion has always led you to wonderful places. I know the culture tells you to find peace with good enough, And that's probably good advice for some people.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:03:07]:
But let's be real, it's never been who you are. You want extraordinary, and you have a way of making extraordinary happen for yourself. Even if you don't know what that might look like right now, you can trust the knowing that it's not this. Have the courage to create empty space in your life without knowing what will fill that space up. Have the courage to obey the calling without asking too many questions and trying to micromanage the outcome. Once you do break up, it will not be a decision but more of a surrender, a letting go of control, and a yielding to what is being demanded of you by the invisible forces of the universe. You will sit with your partner and speak from your heart. You will be honest, and it will be sad.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:04:04]:
It will be so sad. But the sadness is not a sign that you're taking the wrong decision. The sadness is a sign that you care, deeply. You will need to remind yourself of that often in the months following the separation. You will go through phases of doubt, regret, panic, disbelief, guilt. You will feel like a bad person a lot of the time. You will need to write down all the reasons you left and read them again and again and again. You will need to trust your past self when your present feels lonely, bleak, and nonsensical.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:04:43]:
The 1st month is going to be the hardest, and then you will feel euphoric. You will discover beauty you didn't even know existed, but the darkness will come back and you will learn healing is not linear. You will learn to welcome the waves as they come. To say this is sadness This is what sadness feels like, it's okay You will learn to be there for Self, and what a wonderful gift that is You will go on terrible dates with men who make bad jokes and tell you about the 6 pools on their rooftop. After such dates, you will wonder why you left, but not for long. You will go on incredible adventures where time stops and bodies merge in ways you didn't know possible. You will be taken care of like you never have before. You will kiss women and love their softness.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:05:38]:
You will love to lick their small earrings and to play with their ponytails. You will meet the kind of vulnerable men you had been longing for, those who sit still, and listen, and ask questions. You have been so desperate for what they give you that you will think you have to be in relationship with the first ones that come around, But a friend will remind you, many people can give you what you did not get. There is no rush. Choose wisely. You will need to remind yourself of that often. Then a year will pass. You will talk with your ex over coffee and you will realize you had to leave for them to grow.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:06:20]:
You had to leave for them to feel enough pain to finally get the help they always needed and deserved. What seemed like planting a knife in their heart is actually what's gonna lead them to open up their heart and allow more love in. Your leaving was a gift. And you also realize that if they had chosen to stay closed, it wouldn't have been your fault. I'm going to repeat that. If they had chosen to stay angry and to point fingers, it would have been hard, but it wouldn't have been yours to carry. You gave them an opportunity to expand, and they took it. They will tell you about their new lover and you will smile.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:07:05]:
They will tell you they no longer need to compromise parts of themselves to be with someone. You will be so happy for them and you will finally be able to look at your old pictures together and remember the memories with fondness only. You will thank them for sharing 7 unforgettable years of their journey with you and welcoming you in their world like you have always belonged. Eventually you will meet someone. Someone that will make you understand why you had to leave. Someone who is so exactly what you had been asking for all this time. You will need to pinch yourself because it feels too good to be true. You will look behind you to see if there are cameras, if this is all a setup.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:07:51]:
You will want to cry with gratefulness and run back to hug the past version of yourself for doing what was hard. You will want to tell that past version of you thank you for being brave. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for believing we deserved more. Look where that's taken us. Your friend will tell you the best relationships are the ones where both people feel like they're the lucky one.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:08:19]:
It's never been the case for you and your intimate relationships. You were ashamed to admit that, up until now, you had always secretly believed your lovers were lucky to have you. You were protecting your heart, of course, making sure that you'd be fine if they left. But that time is over now. You will tell your new person I'm the lucky one, and they will tell you, no. I'm the lucky one. And that's it for now. We have arrived to the present.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:08:52]:
This message was for all of you who are scared to walk away. Trust that there is something beautiful for you out there, not necessarily in the shape of another human being. That's not the point. The point is a deeper, more loving relationship with yourself. The point is you telling your young self what you needed to hear and to be shown a long time ago. Telling your young Self, I want what's best for you. This is how you deserve to be treated, nothing less. I love you so, so, so much.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:09:28]:
I am here for you, and I will never again abandon you in a situation where you don't feel seen and cherished exactly as you are. Let's do this together. Okay. Thanks for listening, everyone. This was a vulnerable one. I hope there were snippets in there that applied to you, that are bringing you wisdom and peace. If this podcast has been helpful in your life in any way, I would really appreciate you rating the podcast on whichever platform that you use, and remember that if you want to work together on becoming the most courageous version of yourself and seeing the kind of life you can create when you do, then you can book a free call with me at Self Growth nerds.com/audacity. I have slots open right now to work together starting next week.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:10:28]:
So this is your chance. Now have a beautiful week everyone, and I will talk to you soon. Lots of love. Bye bye. Hey. If you love what you're hearing on the Self Girl nerds podcast and you want individual help finding a new direction for your life and developing the courage to make your dreams a reality, you have to check out how we can work together on selfgrowthnerds.com Nerds message me on Instagram at selfgrowthnerds. My clients say they would have needed that support years ago. So if you're tired of feeling like you're wasting your life, don't wait.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:11:11]:
Get in touch now, and I cannot wait to meet you.