Episode 186 - Journaling Techniques to Overcome Negative Thinking
Discover how journaling can be your go-to tool for improving mental health and overcoming self-doubt. In this episode, I share the 4 essential steps that helped me shift from a low self-esteem, stressed, and defeated mindset to feeling calm, confident, and clear about my direction. Tune in to learn these journaling techniques and work towards mental wellness!
Topics
The power of journaling to improve her mood and mental state.
Step-by-step breakdown of the journaling process
Journaling to explore thoughts and feelings
Identifying and analyzing negative thoughts
Reflections on facing truths and potential avoidance
Links
👉 September 5th is your last chance to join my online program The Courage to Start New ! Go to selfgrowthnerds.com/courage to learn more.
Resources
🎙️More about journaling in these Podcast episodes:
✍️Do you need help building the habit of journaling? Access the 15 Days Journaling Journey HERE !
Transcript
[AUTO-GENERATED]
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:00:06]:
Welcome to the self growth nerds podcast. I'm your host Marie, a courage coach, creative soul, and adventure seeker. Since through hiking the Pacific Crest Trail in 2019, I'm on a mission to help you embrace your most confident self so you can achieve your dreams too. If you're eager for deep conversations, big questions, and meaningful connections, join me on the quest to discovering how we can create a more magical and memorable life. Hello nerds. How are you? I'm doing good. I'm about to move back into my place in 2 weeks, which is exciting because I've been craving some stability. I'm a bit tired of feeling like I'm in a transition.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:00:54]:
I was living at my partner's place for the summer, and, you know, it was great. But I knew it was temporary, so it's gonna be fun to move in together officially, be able to decorate together, and really make, like, a comfortable home for ourselves. Professionally, there's some really exciting things going on that I cannot share yet. We'll just have to be patient. Now if you're listening to this episode as it comes out, it's coming out on Monday, September 2nd, please know that it's your last chance to sign up to my 8 week group program, The Courage to Start New, because we start September 10th. So you've got to sign up at the latest on September 5th, Thursday, September 5th. And if you're listening to this and it's Friday, September 6th, don't panic. Message me.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:01:51]:
I should be able to get you in. But that weekend I'm going away for a friend's birthday and I wanna be able before I leave to know who's in the group and be able to message them about what's going to happen next. Okay. So if you need support entering the next chapter of your life, because right now you feel like you're running in circles not really sure what is coming next in your life. Feeling like you have outgrown maybe your job or your relationship and something needs to change but you don't really know where to start and you're kind of freaking out a little bit on the inside, this is going to be perfect for you. So just go check it out at selfgoatnerds.com/courage and make sure to sign up by the end of Thursday 5th September. We're gonna meet every week, every Tuesday. You're gonna get lots of coaching, and you're gonna come out of this experience with so much clarity about where you're going and so much more confidence about the path that you're on.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:02:57]:
Today we are talking about journaling, more specifically journaling to help you with your negative thoughts. Recently I was having a bad day so I got my journal out and after 3 pages, I felt so much better. And I thought to myself, wow, journaling has been the most reliable tool of all. Of all the tools I have developed over time, this is what helps me the most. This is the easiest, most accessible tool I have. And a few years ago, I recorded a podcast episode called how to use journaling to change your life. It was all about the basics. I talk about why I love journaling, the ways in which it has been helpful.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:03:49]:
I give you the the do's and don'ts of journaling and I give you some methods that you can start with. If you have not listened to that episode, go listen to it now. It's the most popular self growth nerds episode of all. Now today is part 2. I wanna share more techniques. I'm actually going to walk you through exactly what I did the other day in order to feel better. There are 4 steps that I invite you to try. This is going to be especially helpful when you notice, like I did the other day, that your internal weather is pretty stormy.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:04:30]:
When you're experiencing self hatred, when you're feeling tense, frustrated, ashamed, get your journal out and start with step 1, the brain dump. You want to transfer that inner monologue onto the paper in front of you. And don't worry about your handwriting. Just just get it out. And then once that's done and, you know, don't hang back. It could be a paragraph, but it could also be 3 whole pages. Once that's done, you can move on to step 2. Step 2 is you wanna find a thread you can pull on.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:05:08]:
Something in the brain dump that you can just get curious about. Like, what is going on here? What is it that I need? And it's going to be different for each situation. You want to listen to what comes up for you. You will be guided by your intuition if you pay attention. I'll share a personal example from the other day. So one of the threads I decided to pull on is in my work life there are 2 paths right now that I am feeling undecided about or that I was feeling undecided about at that time. And I noticed in my brain dump how I was talking about my partner not telling me what I wanted to hear. So I got curious about that.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:06:01]:
What is this about? What do I actually want from him? Oh, I want him to tell me what to do because I'm not sure myself. I'm outsourcing my decision making to my partner instead of taking full responsibility. Maybe because I don't quite trust myself. So I kept pulling on that thread. I got playful. I asked myself, well, what do I want him to say exactly? And I wrote 2 scenarios. Well, what would it feel like if he said this and I wrote 1 paragraph, option a. And then what would it feel like if he said that and I wrote another paragraph, option b.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:06:44]:
And it's not even about him. It's not him saying these things to me. It's just me having a conversation with myself, but sometimes it's easier to do that if you can imagine having a conversation with someone else that you trust. You can even do that with a fictional character, like someone you think is smart or wise, someone you look up to, someone you don't know, maybe it's a hero of yours, someone whose podcast you listen to. This can help take you out of the thoughts you've been swimming in in your head, the thoughts you've been repeating to yourself over and over again. This can help you gain a fresh perspective. Once that was done, what I did is read both options and notice how they felt in my body. Option a felt tense and full of resistance, while option b felt calm and soothing.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:07:46]:
My truth was actually expressing itself through my body, and it helped me get clear on what I wanted to do next. You know that feeling when you call a friend asking them for advice and you get kind of annoyed because they don't tell you what you want to hear. And so when you hang up, you you you call someone else and then you call someone else and you keep asking people for advice until you hear what you want to hear. This is often a sign that you don't quite trust yourself, that you need other people's validation before you move forward. And there's nothing wrong with that, but it can be a good practice, and you can save a lot of time instead of calling a bunch of different people just sitting down with your journal and asking asking yourself what is it that I want to hear? And sometimes you'll have to try on a few different option until one of them resonates, until one of them sounds like truth. And this is a way, I believe, to figure out what your highest self, like the most confident version of you, actually believes. And then you can still seek some validation if you feel the need, but in a more empowered way. Telling a friend, this is what I want to do moving forward.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:09:11]:
Please give me a bunch of reasons why it's actually a good idea. Like, help me feel strong about this. You're asking people exactly for what you need instead of being at the mercy of what they're going to tell you, which can often come from their own fearful, insecure parts, or simply from a different way to look at the world because they're a different person. I always try to remind myself that I'm the only expert of my own journey. No one else is. Okay. I got sidetracked here. Step 2 was about finding a thread to pull on in your brain dump, and then getting curious and getting playful with it.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:09:58]:
Now step 3, the next thing I did is I made a list of the negative thoughts I could spot in my brain dump. Like actual bullet points. And if it helps you can also add quotation marks. What we wanna do is see them as what they are, just sentences going through your brain as opposed to reality. Let's say you think I feel so stupid and incompetent. It seems like the truth until you put it on paper in a list that is titled negative thoughts I am having about myself right now. Doing this helps you switch to metacognition. Instead of being inside your thoughts, you become the observer of your thoughts.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:10:47]:
Instead of being in the tornado, you're next to the tornado looking at it from the outside. Then what you do once you have the list is for each thought you ask, what's the factual circumstance that leads me to have this thought? And your brain's not going to like that. It is very normal if there's resistance. Because this dramatic part of you wants to just keep being negative. When you're used to that pattern, it can be hard to break out of because there's familiarity in thinking this way. It's weird to say, but there is familiarity in self hatred if that's something that you have done a lot of in your life. So notice the resistance if there is any, and do your best. Start with one thought.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:11:40]:
I'm gonna give you an example. One of my thoughts was I'm not a real business owner. And I've that made me feel like a desperation. And then I asked myself, what's the factual circumstance that led me to have this thought? And it was just because someone had asked me, how do you track where your clients come from? And my answer was, well, I don't really have a tracking system. I just ask them when they get on the call on a discovery call with me. And I made that mean that I was a failure of a business owner when actually, like, what would a friend tell me about that? They would probably say, okay, well, no big deal. Just set up a tracking system if you think that's important. We can get really good at blowing things out of proportion in our minds.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:12:34]:
And sometimes we only realize how detached from reality the the narrative we've been holding onto is once it's on paper or once we say it out loud. That's why exercises like this are so important. It helps you see the errors in your thinking. Another thought on my list was I'm a mess. And when I asked myself, what's the factual circumstance that leads me to have this thought? My answer was, there's a lot to do because I'm moving houses, there's paperwork to fill in, there's insurance to get, there's stuff to pay, And I take it as it comes instead of having a system. And I was making that mean something about my character, almost about my value as a human being. People who are organized, people who have systems for everything are better humans. That's where my head was going, the stories I was making up.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:13:36]:
But if I was to present that circumstance to a friend who loves me, what would they say? They would probably say, well, clearly you've got a lot on your plate, and you're doing your best. Like, sure, you could be better organized. That's something you can work on. You can develop systems, but it's the first time that you're doing this, so it's not going to be perfect. That's normal. Like, life is hard, and transitions are hard. You're doing something hard. So, of course, it's it's going to feel a bit messy sometimes, but you are not a mess.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:14:15]:
If it's hard for you to to think about what a friend would tell you in a circumstance like this, think about what you would tell a friend or what you would tell, like, a child that you love. So just to recap, there's 3 parts to this step. The first part is making the list of negative thoughts. The second part is asking yourself what's the factual circumstance that leads me to have this thought? This is really important because coming up with that factual circumstance neutralizes the situation. It removes the drama and helps you see the forest for the trees. And lastly, you wanna ask yourself, what would a friend tell me? Or what would I tell a friend who's in this situation? Okay. Next, step 3, I made a list of evidence that I've actually got this. It's so easy to pay attention to what is not going well.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:15:12]:
We do it by default. We have a negativity bias. So we have to make a conscious effort to shift our focus and consider what is going well. This episode is the most simple, but it's also the hardest very often for the same reason that bad news are more popular than good news. We're wired to look for danger. But I really, really encourage you to sit and make an effort to come up with at least 5 things that are going well. The same way I would encourage you to eat your veggies. Of course it's easier to eat candy, but in the long run you really have to eat your veggies if you want to feel better.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:15:58]:
It's the same thing here. Finally, step 4 is a technique I shared in my first episode about journaling, but I'm approaching it a little bit differently these days. The question is, how do I want to feel today? Remember how in the initial brain dump you wrote about how you currently feel, your default automatic feelings. Now in this exercise, you want to be more intentional. You might say, I wanna feel at ease, at peace, authentic. I want simplicity and joy. That's what I wrote personally. Then what you do is you lean into that.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:16:40]:
You tune into that feeling. Maybe you have to think about the last time you experienced it. I thought about the last time both of my feet were in a lake. And I let that feeling wash over me. Then, as you move through your day, try to do your best to notice when there are thoughts or stories that pull you away from that place. And as often as you can, if it and if it's just once, that's okay. It's better than 0. You go, hey.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:17:14]:
Hey. Hey. Hey. Shh. It's okay. It's okay. We're good. I've got you.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:17:22]:
You're safe. And try to get back to the good place, if only for a few seconds. And I know I know it's easier said than done, especially if you struggle with anxiety a lot. You can work with someone who specialises in that, you can learn somatic or mindfulness techniques. And keep in mind that it's a lifelong journey. And sometimes when it's harder than usual to feel at peace, it might be because you're in denial. Maybe there's a truth that you're not willing to face right now that you're trying to avoid. That was the case for me when I wanted to leave my partner.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:18:05]:
It was harder to feel at peace. Because when I was at peace, that truth would would rise to the surface, and I didn't wanna I I didn't wanna be face to face with that truth. But it's hard, near impossible, to meditate or journal your way out of that. It's always gonna come back. You can't bypass your truth forever. So a question you can ask, and there might not be an answer, and you might need to ask many, many times is, what am I avoiding? What is it that my body knows, but that my mind won't admit? So that's it. These are the 4 techniques. There are more advanced techniques, I would say, that require, a level of self awareness, that require a capacity to slow down and get still.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:18:57]:
So if that feels, unaccessible, go back to the episode, how to use journaling to change your life. The techniques in in that one are super powerful and easier to implement. And if you love journaling and you want more, there's 2 options. There's another episode called journaling for overwhelm and confusion that's super helpful. And I've created a journaling journey that you can sign up for for free, it's on the homepage of my website, self growth nerds. You just enter your name and your email and you will receive a journaling prompt every day for 15 days. The, the journaling journey is called craft your big vision. So it's helpful if you wanna get to know yourself, if you wanna gain clarity about what you want more of in your life, less of the direction that you're going in, all that sort of stuff.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:19:52]:
Okay? Now what's most important, if you wanna see actual change, is that journaling becomes a habit. Otherwise, if you do it like 3 times a year, it's nice. But it's like lifting weights 3 times a year. It's a little bit pointless. It can be like a fun experience, but it's not going to give you results. Also, it's just like learning a language. Duolingo, they do like a streak thing. They want you to do it every day even if it's just for 2 minutes.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:20:26]:
It's the same with journaling. Lower the bar, make it super easy. Like, do what you need to do for to remove the pain points, to remove the obstacles. If having like a fancy expensive journal puts too much pressure on you, get like an ugly one from the dollar store. Okay? And I give you a bunch more tips in in the first episode I created. So go go back there for more tips about how to make it easy for you. That's it for this week. Again if you want to sign up to my 8 week group program the courage to start new, this is your last chance.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:21:05]:
You have to do it before the end of the day on Thursday September 5th. So go to selfgrowthnerds.com/courage, and we'll get started as soon as September 10th. I cannot wait. Have a beautiful week everyone, I'm sending you lots of love. Bye. If you love what you're hearing on the self growth nerds podcast and you want individual help finding a new direction for your life and developing the courage to make your dreams a reality, you have to check out how we can work together on selfgrowthnerds.com or message me on Instagram at selfgrowthnerds. My clients say they would have needed that support years ago. So if you're tired of feeling like you're wasting your life, don't wait. Get in touch now, and I cannot wait to meet you.