Episode 146 - Igniting Motivation: Make Your Goals More Exciting
Discover the keys to unlocking motivation in pursuit of your goals. In this episode, explore the importance of aligning your aspirations with what truly ignites your soul, rather than merely flattering your ego. Learn strategies for approaching goals in a manner that resonates with your unique strengths and preferences, rather than conforming to external expectations. You will gain insights on ensuring that your reasons for pursuing goals are in harmony with your soul's desires, fostering genuine fulfillment and drive.
Topics
Pursue goals based on deep soul desires, not convenience or ego desires.
How a compelling goal gives direction and purpose to life.
Avoiding actions based on external expectations or norms.
Releasing shame and guilt to find unique approaches that work for oneself.
The importance of soul-driven reasons versus ego-driven reasons for pursuing goals.
Links
👉 Ready to blow your own mind and achieve both your smallest and wildest goals? Book a Discovery Call! 👈
📕 Book recommended in this episode: Happiness of Pursuit by Chris Guillebeau
Transcript
[AUTO-GENERATED]
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:00:06]:
Welcome to the Self Growth Nerds podcast. I'm your host, Marie, a courage coach, creative soul, and adventure seeker. Since thru hiking the Pacific Crest Trail in 2019. I'm on a mission to help you embrace your most confident self so you can achieve your dreams too. If you're eager for deep conversations, big questions, and meaningful connections, join me on the quest to discovering how we can create a more magical and memorable life. Hello, nerds. How are you? I'm so good. I feel much more lighthearted than I have in the last Few weeks in the last month or so, I just came back from 5 days in Florida.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:00:56]:
I went to see my parents. And what happened is kind of funny. I was waiting for, some news in my life. It was gonna be either good news or bad news, and I just couldn't sit alone at home while I was waiting. So I spontaneously or some might say impulsively, it's up to you how you wanna see it, booked a flight to Florida so that I could go distract myself, be with my parents, read in the sun instead of worry at home. Of course, what ended up happening is that I took my brain with me, on the trip, and I kept thinking about the worst case scenario. It's just that I had more opportunities to to distract myself. But then 1 night, I had a an epiphany.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:01:52]:
If you don't know what having an epiphany means, that's okay. My parents didn't know either when I told them. Google tells me it's an intuitive grasp of reality through something usually simple and striking. And I wanna share I wanna share my epiphany with you. So I we were in the car, and I realized I could spend My time feeling anxious and sad, but it's not as if it was going to lessen the pain in the future if the news ended up being bad. Ad. So might as well trick my brain into believing that the news was going to be good because then I could spend this precious time with my parents feeling joyful. Even though it might be delusional, it will have been a better use of my time no matter the the result in the end.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:02:50]:
Now that way of thinking Thinking is not perfect. It worked for a evening. I felt really good that evening, and then the next day, I was back jumping between worry and hope. But still, it gave me a a little break. And then in the end, the news ended up being good. And it's just funny to me when I look back and I see See how much time I spent preparing for the worst case scenario, which if it ended up happening, I would just have had to face anyway, and my, quote, unquote, preparation would not have been that useful at all. It's not like you can feel your feelings ahead of time and hope that when it comes down to it, You will have done the feeling, and you'll be able to move on. No.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:03:39]:
That's not how it goes. Let's say you have applied for a job that you really want and you you have a period where you have to wait to see if you're gonna get the job or not. You can spend that time Thinking about all the things you should have said differently in the interview and, thinking about how disappointed you're going to feel if you don't get the job, it's not gonna change anything to the actual disappointment you're going to feel if you end up not getting the job in reality. However, if you spend that time trusting that if this job is for you, it's going to work out and feeling really excited, You're just gonna spend, better moments. Whatever you're doing, if you're washing the dishes, you're gonna have a better time feeling excited than than trying to feel your your, disappointment ahead of time. Then if it works out, it's like, great. I was right. And if it doesn't, yes, you're gonna feel disappointed, but there was no avoiding that anyway.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:04:45]:
So while you're waiting, might as well, create a better experience for yourself by choosing your thoughts intentionally. And it's harder I mean, it sounds obvious, but we have a negativity bias. Our brains are wired to focus on the negative, so it takes conscious effort to realign your thoughts. But I think it's so worth it. And if you can't go all the way from negative to positive, which totally makes sense, then aim for neutral with thoughts like, no matter what happens, I'm going to be okay. I'm going to figure this out. Okay. So this is not the topic of today's episode.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:05:29]:
It was just the thoughts I wanted to share with you, my epiphany from the last week. I hope it was useful to at least 2 or 3 of you. Now today, we are following up on last week's episode where we discussed one of the reasons why you might not be able to reach your goals. Last week, we talked about the unconscious forces that pull you in a direction opposite from what you want. And this week, we're gonna talk about how to make your goals more compelling. But please don't skip last week's episode because Even if your goals light you on fire, if there are issues underneath the surface that have not been rest. You're not gonna make progress, and you're not going to understand why. Now before we jump in, I wanna remind you that my schedule is open for discovery calls, meaning I wanna spend the whole month of December meeting you face to face, seeing if we're a good fit for working together in 2024.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:06:39]:
If you've been listening to this podcast for a long time or or you just discovered it 2 weeks ago, but you feel like I'm in your head and this resonates deeply with you. Please go to self growth nerds.com/audacity and book a moment with me. If you get a sense that you're not living fully, that you're living with your foot on the break constantly, and that you know there's a a more unapologetic version of yourself Somewhere in you that you wish could come out, then this is for you. I wanna get to know you. I wanna ask you a bunch of questions To understand what's really going on, why you're slowing yourself down and not going after what you really want, Then I'll if I think I can help you, I'll tell you all about how. And if I don't think I'm the right person for you, I'll let you know as well. Right? I just want to work with people that I know deep down I can help in a meaningful way. So if you're tired of going in circles, and you want 2024 to be a year of massive transformation? Book a call at self growth nerds.com/audacity.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:07:55]:
Now let's dig in. When you set a goal, it's important to be mindful of where it originated from. If it's rooted in ego desires, like status or approval, You might end up being dependent on external motivation to keep you moving forward, and that's not sustainable long term. We're gonna go through 3 aspects of your goal that need to be in integrity. If you want to have fuel to keep you going for a long time. Those 3 aspects are the what, the how and the why. Let's start with the what. What you are pursuing has to come from deep soul desire and not from convenience.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:08:50]:
Let me give you a personal example. I've always been a a coach at heart. And by that, I mean, I've always loved encouraging people to go towards their dreams and to to not think small, to to dream big and believe in themselves. And when I came back from the Pacific Crestrail, I kind of knew that I wanted to start an online business because I wanted to create a life with more freedom and flexibility. But the only topic I felt legitimate enough to approach was hiking because I knew a lot about hiking. So I thought, let me just create an online course where I teach people about how to prepare mentally for a long distance hike. It was fun and it taught me a lot, but My heart was not fully in it because deep down inside, I I was called to help people at a higher level. I didn't just want to help them go through hiking.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:09:57]:
I wanted to help them create the life of their dreams, but I just felt inadequate. I thought, who am I to claim that that's what I feel called to do? And I wanna turn it back to you. Are you setting goals that seem doable, that seem realistic and ignoring the the little whisper in your heart that wants you to aim higher. When I started telling people that I was going to through hike the Pacific Crest Trail, I have very few experiences. My longest hike I'd been on was, 4 days. So I had people tell me like, oh, why don't you go or hike the John Muir Trail instead. You know? It makes more sense to begin with because you might not like it that much. But that goal would not have let me up because what my soul wanted was the Pacific Crest Trail and nothing else.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:10:58]:
You can't force excitement for a goal that doesn't turn you on. I'd much Rather set a goal that seems delusional to most people, including myself, but that really gets me going and lights me on fire. At the end of the day, it's not about reaching the goal. It doesn't matter if you don't reach it. It's about how it makes you feel in the everyday. So if you struggle to make progress towards your goal, maybe maybe it's because You're not dreaming big enough. And I don't know. You have to listen to last week's episode and this week's episode and give yourself your own diagnostic.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:11:39]:
I'm giving you lots of reasons for why you might struggle to move forward, and that's just one of them. So ask yourself, Am I pursuing something that comes from a deep soul desire or just, like, a convenient goal because, You know, it's just there on the shelf, easy to reach. By the way, I recommend the book The Happiness of Pursuit by Chris Guillebeau where He talks about how having, like, a big exciting goal can give a lot of direction to your life just like, and he gives you lots of examples. I remember reading that book and, like, taking lots of notes, feeling really inspired. When you have a quest or a mission or a pursuit that you love, everything You do from one day to the next has a reason for being. You ask yourself less questions. There's less decision fatigue because you just know how to channel your time and your energy. When I was getting ready for the PCT, I just knew when I had free time How I needed to occupy that time.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:12:48]:
I had a clear direction I was going in, and that simplified My life in a way that felt really good. Okay. So this is the what. The what you are pursuing needs to be in alignment with Your soul, not your ego. Number 2 is the how. The way you pursue your goal has to be true to you, not to be borrowed from someone else. So let's say you're building an online business, And you've learned you've been told that the trend right now is to make a bunch of videos on TikTok. If making videos drains your soul, Don't force yourself just because it's better for the algorithm.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:13:36]:
The road you choose to take To go in the direction of your goal has to be a pleasant one or not necessarily pleasant. It might be challenging, but it has to be the kind of challenge that You choose intentionally and not something that you make yourself do because this is how it has to be. Let's say your goal is to run a marathon. Maybe you decide you're gonna train every, every day at 5 AM because there's a a running club that meets early in the morning, and you you hate it every time you go, but you just think that's That's what people do. That that's so that's what I have to do. You're not going to want to keep going if You have to white knuckle your way forward, if you're trying to fit a round peg in a square hole. It's like all all the parts of you have to be on board. So if the there's a part of you that's like, no.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:14:33]:
You're making me do something that I don't wanna do. It's kind of like, forcing a kid to to do something against their will again and again And, again, resentment is going to build, and the journey in the direction of the goal is gonna get heavier and heavier. So ask yourself, what are the actions terms that I take to make progress towards my goal, and are they in integrity with me, or am I shoulding myself? Am I telling myself, well, I should do this because that's how it's done. That's how everybody does it. Catch yourself if that's the case because Very often, the reason why you might take a road that you don't enjoy is because you think it's gonna get you there faster. You're in a rush to get to destination. When you could instead take a more beautiful, winding road, that's going to get you there more slowly, but in a way that feels true to you. Maybe the way you're gonna train for your marathon is by running alone late at night.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:15:41]:
That's okay. Try not to judge yourself for finding your own way. I've worked with many people who have ADHD. And because they have been shamed their whole life, for doing things differently, they struggle then to to say, This is the way that works for me, and that is legitimate. They might struggle to to claim their unique approach because of all the shame from their past and the shame that might, still be present if they're in an environment that doesn't welcome them as they are. This can be really challenging. The The key here, and it's not just for people with ADHD, I think that's valuable for everyone, is to start by no longer shaming yourself. And practice celebrating your unique ways.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:16:36]:
The less you shame yourself, less likely you will be to accept spending time with people who don't accept you as you are, but you have to be the 1st one to accept yourself. And then you'll raise your standard for the kind of environments that you spend time in. We live in such a supremacist society that says, here's the best way to live your life. And if you veer from that, then you are less than. We have internalized this mess this messaging so deeply that we don't need anyone else to judge us. We don't need anyone else to shame us. We we're gonna do it to ourselves, and that's what we need to unlearn if we want to truly free ourselves. That's a lot of the work that I do with my clients is is rebelling against your conditioning so that you can live a life that's in alignment with your deepest values without feeling guilty all the time because that's the problem.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:17:41]:
You might you might actually live a life that's in alignment with your values, that's true to you, but still constantly feel shame and guilt, because you're going against the current of what you've been told is right and good. And that cognitive dissonance is heavy to carry. It's really important to rewire that so you start feeling good and legitimate about doing what you really want instead of, you know, having the the guilt on the shoulders. I'm at a place in my life now where It doesn't bother me what people might say behind my back. I sometimes I think about, oh, They're probably thinking this and that, and it just makes me laugh because I just love the way that I live my life. So I don't care what other people, the ways in which they might judge me. For example, I wake up around 7:30, 8 in the morning, and I drink my coffee and I read until 10. I only start work at 10.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:18:45]:
I used to feel guilt about that when I was still stuck in the conditioning that that that's not productive enough, that I should start earlier, but now I'm like, no. That's just how I do it. And I don't work 40 hours a week. Far from it. I don't know how many hours. I don't count them, but I know that it's not 40 unless I have a really busy week, but that rarely happens. That too used to make me feel guilty, And I used to, you know, force myself to work more just to be like others. But now it's, no.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:19:23]:
It's just really important For me to have a lot of space built into my schedule, and and that's okay. That's the way I've I've orchestrated my schedule. That's me. I'm also nonmonogamous. I'm very open with my sexuality. I see Relationships, very differently from most people, and I love to to to talk about that. And I don't feel bad about Any of it because I've done the work to unshame myself. And the more I unshame myself, the easier it becomes to find what works for me in to create the kind of lifestyle in which I feel truly myself and fully alive.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:20:11]:
But I'm getting a little bit sidetracked here. Let's go back and talk about the 3rd aspect that needs to be in integrity for you to keep making real progress towards your goals, and it's the why. The reason you are pursuing your goal has to make sense again to your soul more than to your ego. Don't, for example, start a business to prove to yourself or to prove to, I don't know, your dad that you're good enough, that you can be successful as well in the way that this person was. Someone might decide to become a lawyer because their parent was a lawyer or doctor, I don't know, an an engineer, and they just wanna show them that they're capable too. But that leads to if it doesn't lead to burnout, it leads to meaninglessness. And many of these people end up working with me because they chose a path that was not aligned with their soul, but that was fueled by their ego, fueled by, a wound. They always wanted to get their parents' approval, And now they they they they took action in that direction, getting further and further away from their truth, and they don't understand that it hasn't been the solution.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:21:45]:
Or they realize, actually, it's not. This pursuit of approval has not made me feel happy. And, of course, it hasn't. And I have so much compassion for that, for the the inner child that just wants to be loved, that just wants to be approved of. We have to make sure that we're we're not setting goals from a from a place of wounding. Sure. We're gonna work really hard to reach those goals, but in a way that's gonna drain our soul. I think many of us have done that.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:22:20]:
Many of us had to go down that road in order to understand what happens when we do. If you're going to, for example, start a business, Do so because it would allow you to live a life of freedom and adventure that feels meaningful to you. Do so because you're up for a challenge. You want to use that as a way to grow. Make sure that the reason why you do is one that you love, one that you are proud of that you can stand by. Don't start a business or try to set any other goal as a way to patch a hole in your heart. Let's say your goal is to lose weight. Ask yourself, why? Why are you trying to lose weight? And does the reason make sense to your soul? Because if it doesn't, it's just going to make your life more miserable.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:23:19]:
You know, I love my spinning classes, and there's a teacher that I I adore who always says, we don't come here as a way to punish ourselves. We come here because we love ourselves, because we love to challenge ourselves, because we love to feel good because this brings us joy. So ask yourself, why are you doing what you're doing? Try to be as honest with yourself as possible. Why are you trying to make more money? Is it because you want Are there people to be impressed, or is it because you have a project in mind? There's a you have a dream to build a house in the forest or To buy a piece of land, and that requires the money. Why are you trying to make Your marriage work, is it because you don't wanna be seen negatively in the eyes of god. I don't know. Or is it because you really love this person and you want to grow old together And you find meaning in overcoming the obstacles. Get real curious about your reasons and figure out if they are informed by your conditioning or by your true values.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:24:43]:
The latter is going to make it so much easier for you to move forward. So that's it for this week. Again, make sure you're in integrity with the what, what you're pursuing, the how, how you're pursuing your goal, and the why. Why do you wanna go in that direction? If these 3 are in alignment and you still struggle To make progress towards your goal, then go back to last week's episode. There's probably some unconscious forces unconscious beliefs that are slowing you down that you need to address. And if you want help with this, Please book a call at self growth nerds.com/audacity. If, if you don't know what your goal is, if you're missing that kind of spark, that kind of direction. I can help you figure out what your true north your north star, I was gonna say, can be and help you figure out the the obstacles on the way so that you have a direction to go Inn that you really love that gives meaning to your life every day instead of just feeling like you're going through the motion and every week Feels like the same.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:26:02]:
No. There's a much more exciting life for you out there where you can be your unapologetic self, your shameless self. That's what I am experiencing. That's my mission to help everyone I work with step into this liberated way of living. So one last time, the link is self growth nerds.com/audacity. Book a call in the month of December, and we're gonna get to know each other, decide if we're a good fit to work together in 2024. Alright. Have a beautiful week, everyone.
Marie-Pier Tremblay [00:26:38]:
I'm sending you lots and lots of love, and I will talk To you next week. Bye. Hey. If you love what you're nearing on the Self Growth Nerds podcast. And you want individual help finding a new direction for your life and developing the courage to make your dreams a reality, you have to check out, how we can work together on self growth nerds.com or message me on Instagram at self growth nerds. My clients say they would have needed that support years ago. So if you're tired of feeling like you're wasting your life, don't Wait. Get in touch now, and I cannot wait to meet you.